Check out Cry, Cry by Mazzy Star on Pandora

I’m listening to “Cry, Cry” by Mazzy Star on Pandora.
https://www.pandora.com/artist/mazzy-star/among-my-swan/cry-cry/TRpwj97z3zvt299?corr=58006982&part=ug

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Mental Intervention!

It’s time to go for a mental ride, a drive in and with my mind. I can’t help but wonder, what is it this time I shall find as I smash the gas and jam this bitch into drive!!!

Social conditioning got us judging one another to the point where certain groups are put into a noose, while others are put into a harness and all this does, this madness, this blindness, is create hostility among us…

CAN YOU SPARE CHANGE?

I’m not talking about dollars and cents. I’m talking about looking at one another in a way that makes fucking sense!

And, just like that, I’m crying like I’ve never been, emotions get tangled up in the wind. I wonder, when will this all end, so I can begin all over again…

I cry, not for me, but for all of you. Not because of something you’s did to me, but for what seems so impossible for you all to do!

CAN YOU SPARE CHANGE?

Is today day one, or one day? Have you heard what I asked? Please, listen to what I’ve said and re-read the words you just read, again and again and again and again….

!PROJECT SPARE CHANGE!

Let’s all rearrange! Let’s take a different look and straighten our view that has somehow become askew…

This “Mental Intervention” isn’t for me. It is for you which it is intended! Will you be strong enough for it to take? Because, I cannot cry all of this away!

I cry, not for me, but for all of you! Not because of something you’s did to me, but for what seems so impossible for you all to do….

I spend a lot of time in my mid and I’m not really sure what it is that I seek to find. Throughout my life, a lot of people, doctors included, told me that this was a bad thing. SO, I believed them, that is, until here lately…

I’m not a stoic. So, I don’t much care to believe, that what I’m going to get, will be what fate brings.

In my mind, I am Me! All 567 thousand faces, emotions, and personalities! They’re all up there, they’re all in there! We all talk together, laugh together, and many of us, we even cry together! There isn’t a place I can think of that could possibly be any better!

I told you why so you wouldn’t have to ask me. It’s not my fault you don’t understand. So, stop being so fucking nasty!

I used to only think with my mind and thought that love was the only job for my heart~maybe this is why they always felt miles apart?! Today ain’t like this, but I’ve endured a lot of pain befor there was any acceptance!

It’s not me, but society, that needs a “Mental Intervention”. They need to start looking at us with some inverse reflection! If you don’t know what those last two words mean, go get a dictionary and read the fucking definition!

I cry, not for me, but for all of you! Not because of something you’s did to me, but for what seems so impossible for you all to do! Can you Spare Change???!!!!

Stay up. Stay human too…

#ProjectSpareChange #inthegrip #builtnotbought

Mental Rent

“There’s something happening here, and what it is ain’t exactly clear”! There’s a man looking back at me in the mirror, telling me that I got to be aware!

I have to make sure, today, when I pay my Mental Rent, that I do so without any degree of malevolence.

\Manic-Depressive, Mind Graffiti, thoughts that are oppressive. Work, school, chores, schizoaffective disorder, the second I awake, it’s already almost too late, it’s overloaded, my mind! It’s out of order! And so it begins, the fight of my god damn Life, to find the right way, today, to help it re-align…

“There’s something happening here, and what it is ain’t exactly clear” There’s a man looking back at me in the mirror, telling me that I got to be aware!

It’s revolving, my mind, at 9 million revolutions per minute! That’s not always such a bad thing though, no! Because, I’m in it for the long haul,I’m in it to win it! But, at times, this makes it hard, the revolutions of my mind, when, it is Evolution I seek to find! Fuck it! Spin it! Let’s let it all unwind…

Stay up. Stay Human too…

#fightofmylife #builtnotbought

The High Road of a Low-Life, Part One

I continually allow my heart to become corrupted. Like broken guitar strings and old rotting cars, it’s full of holes, it’s oxidized and it’s rusted!

My hands are shaky, my back hurts, my knees are weak, and my head is full of disease. So, I beg of you, please, please, please, can you back the fuck up and gimme some room to fucking breathe?!?!?!

Intuition is the filter through which I experience this world! Everyday I walk out my front door, it is into a MADNESS that I am HURLED! Almost every single fucking day, I am scared to death to leave, but, by doing so is the only way I’ve ever found to find some reprieve…

Honesty! Everybody wants it, needs it, or demands it! But, very few have the intestinal fortitude, the “Power of Will”, if you will, to swallow the Truth, which, at times, can be a very bitter little pill. The ones that do, get sick. They become violently ill!

I’m gonna say some things in this article, in this piece, that are only intended to give me some peace, some relief! So, please, don’t misconstrue my intentions as I am not tryna brag as much as I am tryna provide a means of prevention, or, maybe, just maybe, a Mental Intervention!!!

What do I explain first? Where is it that I feel the most suffering? Where do I feel the most hurt?!

Do I talk of just exactly what it means to be a Low-Life, the pain, the struggle, the Soul Loss, the absence of pride, the overwhelming guilt and shame, and the excess amounts of strife at the continued failed attempts at change in my life?!

Or, do I allow my wandering and wondering mind to go where my feet are taking me, to the High Road, where, we can not only, once again, find, but also DEFINE!

First, allow me to say that the High Road is not the only place to go, nor is it, at times, my first choice, no! My sanity can also be found in the raging rivers and in the Sea of Fears, but, I’m not talking on the surface, I mean fathoms below!

Before you read any further, I feel compelled to ask, can you Spare Change? It is because so many cannot that I am forced to constantly rearrange…

And now, allow me to smoke a few more cigarettes as I contemplate my future regrets…

It’s a great big old white world we live in, I’m white, but I’ve never felt privileged! More like, I’m constantly, about to, with closed eyes, step off of a god damn ledge!

Again, before I explain the Low-Life and or the High Road he or she is so often forced to take, please, allow me to say something else so’s there is no mistake…

Myself, as well as those like me, are cut from a different cloth,and what it takes to make this fabric can no longer be found! What I mean is, people such as we, when we die, our kind will be forever lost into that hole in the sky!

I look around and I’m alone! Where is everybody? Where is my buddy?!

I no longer wish to pretend that tomorrow is not the end! My search for fame only proves that, everyday is filled with love loss and shame!

Well, allow me to start where I find peace and a little healing for my torn and tattered heart, the High Road….

By definition, taking the High Road means that one shall no longer have to lean as this path will lead them in a “morally superior approach towards something”…

This is something that a Low-Life, such as I, was not born with the ability to find. It is not within the wiring of my mind!

To take the High Road, what ever do I mean?! Well, for me, it means to sit the fuck down breathe, and not go full-fucking-throttle! To look back on some old philosophy notes and read some Aristotle and try to figure out just where the fuck I stand when it comes to his, “Golden Mean”!

So, to try to take the High Road that helps one become superior morally….Is one born with this gift of intuition, or can one learn this from reading a definition?!

I’ve taken every pill known to man, and nothing I’ve ever ingested has helped me with this, especially orally! You must KNOW where you stand! Know your god damn position and climb through that hole, that rotten incision!

I’ve defined, somewhat, the definition of the High Road. So, now, let’s talk about why it is so important to go there…

This world is a cesspool and, just like my heart, it’s oxidized, full of holes, brOKen, busted, and full of corruption! My body is just a vehicle for my Soul and my Soul contains all of my morals and beliefs. SO, when my body is travelling a million miles per hour down the highway of life and troubled times begin to show themselves on the road ahead, I am forced to take one of two exits. One being the High Road, which, will help me to become morally superior. The other is what’s easiest, the road to no where, no destination, no pain, and numbness….

In an attempt to try to save myself, my Soul’s vehicle habitually starts going towards the easy way as I begin to feel control of the wheel start slipping away! This happens to me, the Low-Life, without even knowing it and before I know it, away is where I am throwing it!

Even though it’s a road to no where, I feel as though I’ve already been here! I feel comfortable being numb! I’m oblivious, at first, to what’s already begun, until it’s too late…

I cannot speak for all of the Low-Lives out there anymore than I can the non-Low_Lives, nor am I even saying that anyone person out there, other than I, is a Low-Life…

But, what I am saying is, that it takes grit to take the High Road. It takes a look through a clear lens of perception and no fear of rejection while maintaining one’s own perception, and, for doing so, not expecting a reception….

This is to be continued…

Stay tuned. Stay up. Stay Human too…

#fightofmylife #builtnotbought

The Illusion of Broken Dreams…

I must keep breathing in order to keep seeing! I’m smiling but im rotting from the inside out. I must keep a hold of my imagination in order to keep believing –

Dreams! We all have them, especially me! Mine seem to mostly run through the still waters that remain so deep. Jumping in first with my own two feet! When they shatter, my dreams, sometimes it hurts and I must let go and not lay there, on my ass, in what feels like broken glass, feeling sorry for myself…

So, I reach up for another one that I had previously shelved—

Not all that is broken or lost is really a loss, but, everything comes with a cost, a sacrifice , or a toll that must be paid, which, at times, can be as simple as a coin that must be tossed…

That being said, a broken dream, at times, may appear to be such a painful illusion hidden behind smoke and mirrors and full of answers that just aren’t there …

When push comes to shove, what is truly meant to happen will surely become …it will manifest, once I give it my best!

For me, sometimes it takes a broken dream to bridge the gap between unrealistic expectations and what is reality…

Other times, when I look at the shattered remains of a broken dream lay there, at my feet, on the ground, I’ll simply pick up certain pieces thatwill forever remain, to me, so profound…

So, remember …

a brOKen dream, at times, will just be an illusion , a delusion , a mirage, or a hallucination. So, in order to keep dreaming , I must keep a tight grasp on my imagination …

stay up.stay human…

#builtnotbought

The Art of Failure!

Hey, hi, and hello out there!

Believe it or not, there is an art to failing, to failure. It wasn’t until my lens of perception was clean and free of the grease of life that I was able to, not only accept this, but use it as a tool to become successful too!

Admitting and accepting my weaknesses has only come to make me stronger and allowed me to turn those weaknesses into some of my greatest assets!

Brutal honesty about my past and the way I used to live, has caused me to bear many a judgements, but I’d rather be hated for being real than loved for being fake as I am just as unable to discard my past as I am these tattoos that cover my skin!

I fall down and wipe out still, emotionally, mentally, and physically too! But, I lick my wounds, get back up, and keep fucking going!

Many of the things I have succeeded at, I have failed at quite a few times before that! Take for example, I made the deans list this past semester, but, I was on academic probation as well, because I gad quit school the three semesters before that due to the fact that working full time and going to school proved to be too much. So, I stepped back, took a look at the whats, the hows, and the whys of my failures, and I found a way to do both, and successfully!

I have a Lust for Life that is insatiable! They say that everything worth having is just out of reach and right outside of ones own comfort zone! I get bored easily and love to try new and exciting things and in doing so, I fall down and fail, a lot!

I attempted to get many a writing jobs, but, because we live in such a credendialist society and I do not have a writing degree, I faced a lot of closed doors! So, I said “Fuck Em”! I started my own publication company, KaBoom Publications, filed for a business license, a business account is in the works, and I published my own free rag, The OnYun A’Peel! Which, by the way, has just about sold out of ad space for the next edition which is scheduled to drop by the end of June! So, stay tuned!

By simply looking at one of my many failures in a generic sense, and I say generic not because a failure is not worth so much, but because it does have the potential to posses so much, I am able to pin-point how and why I failed and this my friends, is an ART!

So, watch as I paint my masterpiece and start my own skateboard shop right here in Michigan City!

I am brOKen! It is not impossible! It is more like, I’m Possible! Stay up! Stay Human Too!

#builtnotbought #whiteknuckles #inthegrip