Disintegration of my Soul

win_20161016_15_40_39_proCould this really be happening? Is this real? Was it all just a dream that so cleverly twisted itself up and cloaked itself as a nightmare of epic proportions? The tease of all teases? The prude in my life I never thought possible? Or is it the Devil showing me he will not give up? Whatever it is it hurts! Bad! It has pierced my very existence and left me for dead. I feel like a nun that has just been raped! From hero to zero in a New York second. How could I not see this coming? How could I ever believe that I could ever be something more than what I have ever been? I am almost at a loss for words. I feel it comin on like a bad acid trip about to fucking devour me.  PAnic, HATE, revenge is all I can think. Praying is almost poisonous to ponder right now. I can feel it brewing  from my the depths of my soul, or whats left of it. The little thing that barely pumps the now ice cold blood in my veins is hardening by the second. I see red. Blood red. Animalistic thoughts return as if they never left. plotting, planning,head is spinning the monsters are winning. I am letting them. I just sit and let it take hold, this transformation, or this awakening to what people are truly capable of is hitting me like a million Mack trucks going full speed. Betrayal. Blown away. Give up. Im out.

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4 Comments

  1. You’re stronger than any obstacle the devil can ever put before you! You have wisdom, logic, strength, and most importantly GOD in your heart. Step back, evaluate the situation, determine and weigh your response options, and proceed with the one that will serve only to further strengthen you! Let NO ONE or NO THING cause you to stray from the path God has put you on!

      1. You’ve come too far to make foolish, impulse driven choices, Jay. You’ve worked too damn hard for this new life to just give it up for a life behind bars. You have far too much of that “special something” that’s going to lead nameless others to the path of living that you now walk! Don’t you dare give up on yourself, or them! You owe yourself more than that!

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