Could this really be happening? Is this real? Was it all just a dream that so cleverly twisted itself up and cloaked itself as a nightmare of epic proportions? The tease of all teases? The prude in my life I never thought possible? Or is it the Devil showing me he will not give up? Whatever it is it hurts! Bad! It has pierced my very existence and left me for dead. I feel like a nun that has just been raped! From hero to zero in a New York second. How could I not see this coming? How could I ever believe that I could ever be something more than what I have ever been? I am almost at a loss for words. I feel it comin on like a bad acid trip about to fucking devour me. PAnic, HATE, revenge is all I can think. Praying is almost poisonous to ponder right now. I can feel it brewing from my the depths of my soul, or whats left of it. The little thing that barely pumps the now ice cold blood in my veins is hardening by the second. I see red. Blood red. Animalistic thoughts return as if they never left. plotting, planning,head is spinning the monsters are winning. I am letting them. I just sit and let it take hold, this transformation, or this awakening to what people are truly capable of is hitting me like a million Mack trucks going full speed. Betrayal. Blown away. Give up. Im out.