Walls in Recovery


win_20161003_17_09_32_proThis can mean so many things to me, as I am sure it does for many others. They say, in recovery, to lower your resistance and do new things. Wait, first let me say that I will no longer be saying try, it has now morphed into do only status. So , yeah do new things. Do things that may be uncomfortable at first, which I have and continue to do everyday. It makes for some long days,being uncomfortable, and it is because I am forcing myself to do things that make me feel this way. It is everything short of impossible some days, to force myself to be uncomfortable, even though it is for the greater good of my recovery and life in general. I must let my wall down. Hard as fuck, just saying. If you have never been there just know, it is hard. It is hard for me to do new things period. As much as I try to be a different person, there is that hood part of me that just won’t go away. Maybe i hold on to a certain part of it out of a sort of protect me type of thing. Again, unknowns on my life that I do not like. Ans as far sa having a sponsor, I caution you to choose very wisely. Do your homework on this person. Do not be affraid to ask them questions about themselves. These questions are in the Basic text, but you may have personal ones of your own to see if you two will click or not. Now this in itself is very hard, because it involves trusting someone else with you fears, and insecurities and whatever else you let them have. With me, I try to let 99 % of the shit out. Who wants to hold that shit in? But there are a few things I will take to the grave. There are a few things only my late father knows about me, God rest his soul, I love you Dad!. So, I guess what I am saying here too, is that trust is still an issue for me. Not everyone that smiles and says they are there for you in recovery are sincere. People are peopl, and get jealous, or envious, or just were not real with you about their intentions from the jump. So it is a slippery slpoe to climb. I pray that none of you get hurt in doing this as I have several times. But I git back on the horse, because I am a fucking savage. I always have done shit in a way no one else can. I don’t mean better, I just mean in a way that works for me. I encourage you to do what works for you. You know you. Be honest and be real. Remember that you actions in recovery can help or hurt someone. It has become a goal of mine to not hurt anyone anyone, including myself. Let your wall down, even if it is only brick by brick, do a little each day, and if you do get hurt, don’t freak out. People in recovery are just that, people. They are anything but perfect, but they are doing it, and you should too! If no one told you today, you matter, i love you, you can do this, you must do this. There is hope. Change is possible! To those of you out there in the grip of it, I pray that today is the day your life changes forever as mine has! God Bless. Remember, don’t just try, DO. There is doubt in trying, there is success in DOING!!!

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2 thoughts on “Walls in Recovery

  1. Nothing feels comfortable in recovery because we got so accustomed to being comfortable with getting high and living that life but keep going everyone it gets better I promise

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