Untapped Energy

The hardest part of my day, when I am lucky to have been able to sleep, is putting my feet on the ground for the first time in the morning.  Unfortunately, I suffer from much more than being an addict that makes sleep as hard as changing the weather sometimes. Even on the nights that I am able to sleep the nightmares seem to creep their way in like a cold draft from under the door in the winter. Other nights they make sleeping seem like such voluntary torture that I would rather add a night to the number of nights I have consecutively not slept and deal with those consequences, which make taking on the day just that much more difficult. So, when I do sleep it is very hard to get out of bed in fear that I will not have another peaceful night again. I do, though, and as I said, that is usually if not the hardest part, a very close second hardest part of my day. I do this sometimes without thought, just a preprogrammed response, alarm goes off, get up and out of bed. Other days I lay there thinking of reasons to stay in bed. I can justify the crap out of just about anything because I am an addict of epic proportion. Today more so than ever, I play the tape all the way through. What is gonna change if I do not change my ways? How will I ever be truly brave if I do not confront my fears? How will I ever truly be something more than what I have ever been? I am about to tell you what works for me. I am realizing so many things about myself as each day reveals itself to me. I have been making such a big deal out of small things for sympathy and attention and many other self-gratifying reasons for so long I came to really believe that they were true. Take for example the Monday fuck its I’ll call them. I along with 99 % of the population on the planet did not like Mondays. But why not? Well for me it was just a preprogrammed thought or feeling that became a habit. I may have had a bad Monday once or twice, a maybe a hundred times, but I have also had many bad Fridays and Saturdays. So in the spirit of change, I now embrace Monday as a way to start fresh and kick that week’s ass so to speak. It’s not just another chance at another day, it’s a chance to set the bar for the week. If it goes bad, then it goes bad, but trust and believe I will do everything in my power to not let that happen. This is how I tap that energy today, along with coffee. I just do it even if I don’t like it or it’s uncomfortable. I stay positive and keep love in my heart. I think about all those people, addicts or not, who won’t wake up. There are so many things I do today that I never used to that were uncomfortable when I first started, but they became habits very fast. Change is possible and hope exists. I pray that anyone reading this has the courage to try just one new thing this upcoming week that may be outside of their comfort zone and stay committed to it. Just give it a week and I am sure there will be positivewin_20161104_09_47_25_pro results. Happy Friday and enjoy the weekend. Smile today and tap the energy you have inside you!!!! To those of you out there in the grip of it I pray that today is the day your life changes forever as mine has. God Bless!!!

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