Good Morning. Today, as much as I have changed, doing what I can to continue to change, or strive to be a better man, I still have undesired thoughts and cravings. I believe I always will. I don’t mean thoughts about just using I mean thoughts about living and being about that life in general. It’s ok. A thought is just that, a thought. It doesn’t last but for a few minutes, I think they say seven to be exact. I am human and that reminds me of that. What I do or make the choice not to do about or with that thought is what counts. I have come to be able so, sit through some things today. I have been able to sit through shitty emotions and just cry. I learned how to let them come in, identify them, and either let them go or not. NOT an easy ability to acquire after having been me for almost 39 years, but again, change is possible. Sublimation is defined in my psychology text book from school as, transforming undesirable impulses into activities that benefit society. Now that doesn’t mean I have to rescue a burning baby from a fire on the daily, as much as I would like to. To me this means in the simplest form, don’t use! You see when I just don’t use I am not only doing myself and those near and dear to me a favor but society as well. When I use I turn into even more of a monster than I care to dive into in this blog right now. It gets ugly real fast, let’s just say that and let a sleeping dog lye. So by not turning into that monster and doing all the shifty shady shit that goes with it, I am doing an activity that benefits society. I do, however, choose to take it as far as I can today, though. I work in a resource center for students as well as people of the immediate community can come into for help with various crisis’ ranging from being homeless and hungry to addicted to drugs and wanting help. I am not exactly sure if my impulses drive that insatiable thirst to help, or helping drives out those insatiable at times undesired thoughts and feelings. Either way, there is yin and yang in my life today. It’s become my passion. I know what these people feel. I know the shame and guilt they are hiding. The pain that weakens them is the pain that fuels me. I am just as much their crutch as they are mine. So on a brighter side, Happy Birthday to all my Jar head Brothers out there!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARINE CORPS!! Here’s to 241 more years of being the world’s most elite fighting force!!!!! To those of you out there in the grip of it, I pray that today is the day your life changes forever as mine has! God Bless!! Make today count!win_20160822_18_36_42_pro You only get one!!!

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