The Triangle of Self-Obsession


Good Morning. When my sponsor handed me the pamphlet with this title on it, I was like REALLY? It is one of the things that changed everything for me, REALLY! I’m going to talk a lot about this without using quotes because I’m lazy this morning. So by no way am I claiming all of this blog to be my own writing, a lot of it will come from this pamphlet, but some will be in my own words. It starts out by saying how when we were babies, we where the universe. How that we perceived very little outside of our basic needs, and when those needs were met, we were content. It goes on to say that as our conscience grows, so does our knowledge of the outside world. It says that it is around this point that we learn to want and choose, that our source of contentment from basic needs miraculously met to the fulfillment of our desires. It says that even as children we can see that we can not rely on the outside world for these needs and begin to supplement what is given to them with their own efforts. That over time their dependency on other people dwindles as they start to become self-made or reliant. They refer to this as growing up and go on to say how we addicts somehow falter along the way. It says that we never seem to outgrow self-centeredness or find the self-sufficiency others do. It says how our wants and needs become demands and that contentment and fulfillment are impossible. That people, places, and things will never fill the emptiness inside of us forcing us to react to them with 15101891_317188518664933_318650529_oresentment, anger, and fear. That right there folks is it! The triangle of self-obsession. Resentment was the way I used to react to my past. Reliving my past over and over again in my mind allowing it to consume me, devour me like an avalanche. I used my past against myself for my whole life. Next is anger. Anger is the way I used to deal with the present. It says how we would deny reality. I agree with this, but I didn’t even know reality. I had no concept of what or who was real, except dope, heroin to be exact. Last but most certainly not least, we have fear. What a little beauty this one is. It has been destroying my life for as long as I can remember being alive because I let it. It goes on to say that we must turn resentment into acceptance, anger into love, and fear into faith. Wow right? Now after reading this I made a promise to myself to live this way. As I have said before, I am not perfect, but I do my absolute best at this new way of life. What many of you who are not addicts will not understand while reading this is, all of these things happened to us in a way we were , or at least I, was unable to see happening. It was just how I developed, how I learned behaviors reacting to what was going on around me. Many of these were defense mechanisms. I was forced to do and become a lot of this to survive, literally. Today, though, if I didn’t change them into acceptance, love, and faith, I would and or will eventually succumb to my disease and the life that goes along with it. As I said before, this pamphlet was a game changer for me, a life saver more like. So I owe my sponsor another great big hug when I see him again for bringing this to light for me. If anyone out there  that wants this information pamphlet I am writing about and can not make it to an NA meeting to get one, just let me know and I will make sure you get one. I could write for days on this topic but will do a two part on this and see what sort of comments I receive from it first. It is Sunday, so for me that means some quiet time with God, and the rest of the day with no electronics with my girlfriend and soul mate. I hope you all have a blessed day today and make the time to spend with family blood or not blood. Tell some one you love that you love them and smile and say hello to a stranger! To those of you out there in the grip of it, I pray that today is the day that your life changes forever as mine has! God Bless!!!

 

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