175 Days and It HITS!

Good morning everyone. Well,win_20161129_05_48_44_pro I made it through another night and woke up to talk about it and or tell on my horrible monster of a disease. I had a crazy day to begin with at work, as well as some issues in my personal life, but hours after it all calmed down I never expected this. I got off the bus about five blocks from where the NA meeting was to take place for a Monday night, in the pouring rain. As I walked with my hood up and my head down something suddenly spoke to me to look up, when I did I was staring right at the East Race Liquor store. Big bright as Las Vegas neon sign right there in my face. Now just to let you know I have walked and or rode my bike past this more times than I can count over the summer, but today was different. I hurried my way into the gas station a block or so up the street and couldn’t tell if the wetness under my coat was from the rain or sweat from the now nearing panic attack I could feel coming on. I walked to the back of the store hoping this wasn’t one of the gas stations that sold beer. I grabbed a Coke as fast as I could and headed up to the front to get some pizza. My emotions were like a roller coaster as the thought of a beer was devouring my mind. I fumbled my way through paying for it and found a spot in the corner to attempt to eat. I pulled out my phone wich weighed a thousand pounds, but I noticed that I kept finding the strength to do the next right thing. I scrolled through my contacts until someone answered. I found myself staring at Herb’s name in my contact list. This is a man whom I met in a place where there aren’t many if any smiles or happy times. This friend I made in a place full of negativity and problems, full of hatred and pain, yeah he was the one I needed to answer the fucking phone for that is what I felt at the time, pain and hurt. Every fucking little problem in my life was amplified beyond belief at that very second, almost as if I didnt drink I was gonna die. We talked and had a tenth step call if you will. I was feeling better and better as every word fell out of his mouth, but something was missing. I then remembered those wonderful herb prayers from the county. You see, it was guys like him and I that did certain things in county last year on Thanksgiving to ensure a little tote slam occurred for everyone on deck to take part in. So I asked and he happily obliged It was then I felt true relief. It was then and only then that I knew I was going to be alright, that this program and God and friends like Herb if I used them properly, were my medication for this nasty fucking disease called addiction.  SO here I am, writing about not using because I did the next right thing. I have said this before and will say it again, never underestimate the power of prayer my friends! I have more faith in this twelve step called  Na than I ever have before. I could be writing a letter from county this morning, or dead, but by using the tools I have picked up, and by doing the next right thing, I woke up clean again!!! I go forth today with a feeling inside my heart I have no words to explain yet, but trust and believe, I am not done writing about this one! I will walk a little slower today with my head held high. Thanks Herb. Most importantly, Thank you God!! To those of you out there in the grip of it, I pray that today is the day your life changes for the better as mine has and continues to. God Bless. If no one has told you today, you matter and I love you!!!!!

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2 Comments

  1. You have your recovery tool box, and it’s well stocked with the necessary tools for building your new life. However, your blueprint isn’t complete, nor will it ever be as it has, and will continue to change daily. Many unexpected challenges will come your way, most often with little or no warning. But I promise you, as long as you continue to open that box and do your best to utilize your tools, nothing can stop your progress. Your foundation is solid, and your skills are improving daily. Keep building dude! I’m so proud of you!

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