Good morning everyone. Well, I made it through another night and woke up to talk about it and or tell on my horrible monster of a disease. I had a crazy day to begin with at work, as well as some issues in my personal life, but hours after it all calmed down I never expected this. I got off the bus about five blocks from where the NA meeting was to take place for a Monday night, in the pouring rain. As I walked with my hood up and my head down something suddenly spoke to me to look up, when I did I was staring right at the East Race Liquor store. Big bright as Las Vegas neon sign right there in my face. Now just to let you know I have walked and or rode my bike past this more times than I can count over the summer, but today was different. I hurried my way into the gas station a block or so up the street and couldn’t tell if the wetness under my coat was from the rain or sweat from the now nearing panic attack I could feel coming on. I walked to the back of the store hoping this wasn’t one of the gas stations that sold beer. I grabbed a Coke as fast as I could and headed up to the front to get some pizza. My emotions were like a roller coaster as the thought of a beer was devouring my mind. I fumbled my way through paying for it and found a spot in the corner to attempt to eat. I pulled out my phone wich weighed a thousand pounds, but I noticed that I kept finding the strength to do the next right thing. I scrolled through my contacts until someone answered. I found myself staring at Herb’s name in my contact list. This is a man whom I met in a place where there aren’t many if any smiles or happy times. This friend I made in a place full of negativity and problems, full of hatred and pain, yeah he was the one I needed to answer the fucking phone for that is what I felt at the time, pain and hurt. Every fucking little problem in my life was amplified beyond belief at that very second, almost as if I didnt drink I was gonna die. We talked and had a tenth step call if you will. I was feeling better and better as every word fell out of his mouth, but something was missing. I then remembered those wonderful herb prayers from the county. You see, it was guys like him and I that did certain things in county last year on Thanksgiving to ensure a little tote slam occurred for everyone on deck to take part in. So I asked and he happily obliged It was then I felt true relief. It was then and only then that I knew I was going to be alright, that this program and God and friends like Herb if I used them properly, were my medication for this nasty fucking disease called addiction. SO here I am, writing about not using because I did the next right thing. I have said this before and will say it again, never underestimate the power of prayer my friends! I have more faith in this twelve step called Na than I ever have before. I could be writing a letter from county this morning, or dead, but by using the tools I have picked up, and by doing the next right thing, I woke up clean again!!! I go forth today with a feeling inside my heart I have no words to explain yet, but trust and believe, I am not done writing about this one! I will walk a little slower today with my head held high. Thanks Herb. Most importantly, Thank you God!! To those of you out there in the grip of it, I pray that today is the day your life changes for the better as mine has and continues to. God Bless. If no one has told you today, you matter and I love you!!!!!