Accepting the good like the Bad

Good morning to all my faithful readers. Too often in my life it has been painful for me to accept anything good in my life with a pure heart. I could talk about how all addicts are with this, but I’m going to keep this all me personal .  With the clean time I have, inevitably  comes open doors and good things of various forms. The one I’ll start with is compliments .  I have never been comfortable in my own skin, ever, until recently .  So when and if I used to get compliments ,  I was uncomfortable  about it, mostly not knowing how to respond. The way I lived as an addict, doing anything unthinkable for the next fix in order to not die, made me think and truly feel that all good things were fake, forced, not real, and came with a price tag. Along with compliments ,  when the graces of God did touch me in active addiction and I was blessed with a positive accomplishment, the way I lived quickly erased it. So a Pavlaws law effect took over my thinking and feeling about this. It wasn’t until I could do something  for someone without expecting  anything in return that I was able to see the true beauty of it.  It wasn’t until I had that moment when my eyes met my eyes in the mirror and I fell in love with the man I am becoming that I was finally able to accept a compliment purely as well as give one. I have done a lot of truly amazing things for myself and others in the past six months that still stand tall today and it feels absolutely  wonderful. Recovery has become my life, literally. I am going to school  to become a licensed  social worker in addictions counselling . So today I am truly grateful and accept with a pure as it can be heart, all these good things and compliments. Today when I give a compliment I do so without any fucked up motives. I accept and continue to build on my accomplishments today. I have a feeling when the sun rises tomorrow, more great things will happen. To those of you out there in the grip of it, I pray today is the day your life changes for the better as mine has. God Bless! If no one told you today, I love you and you matter!fullsizerender

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