As Life Evolves..So Must I..

Hello to all my faithful readers, as well as new comers, and thank you for the support. Life, she’s a funny, quirky, slippery little bitch sometimes.  I apologize if I have offended anyone with that phrase, but this blog isn’t for the faint of heart by any means. Life, it evolves, really well. It’s resilient beyond my wildest imagination. Mix it up with an addiction of epic proportion,  shake a little bipolar and ptsd in on it, and WOW! It sure does make for some really interesting days, or ways to view them. Sometimes I force myself to just sit back and laugh, because well who doesn’t like to laugh, and let’s face it sometimes life is just funny. Each day more issues arise, more obstacles present themselves to me, and when they do the little addiction monkey is perched atop each one smiling at me while giving me the finger. Then there is the bipolar me behind the monkey, crying saying you can’t do this no more just go back to bed and give in already. When I do just for a second, imagine myself climbing back into the bed, just as my lids  come down, that’s when ptsd says well hello there fuck face! Let the games begin. So, when I go shopping I buy extra bananas  for the monkey, usually keeps him busy enough so I can get to a meeting. Then I hug the bipolar me that’s standing there crying, until he stops, whisper in his ear “You got this, you are a rock star”, which has been sufficient in allowing me time to make it to my therapist, call Miss Toni, and or sit, breathe, and use my grounding technique. And as for the ptsd game player, well I got his number. I have been doing several things to put that little bastard in check mate, so far, so good. Now what’s the problem right? WRONG! Turns out that little addiction monkey is fucking diabetic or something and can’t eat bananas  everyday! I know right? Well this is what I mean by life evolves. So what worked yesterday, might not work today,but that doesn’t mean it will never work again though, so store it, but somewhere close. Next the bipolar me is now a raging fucking madman sometimes. That Marine in him, the street Jay wants out to handle business. So a hug and a whisper won’t work today, but it might work again so store it, but somewhere close right? So life is a constant learning experience  for me today, or I die1483048924783776827980.jpg. It’s that fucking black and white.  I love my life today! As tiring as just that may seem, now put a full time job in with that, mix up a 4.0 GPA, a new relationship in recovery, and church. Shake that around for six months, still find time to volunteer to help others and smile all day while doing it. I’ve only just begun! To those of you out there in the grip of it, I pray that today is the day your life changes forever as mine has and continues to. God Bless, I love you and you matter!

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