As the Dawn Breaks…

Good morning. As i layed there listening to my alarm go off, i cried. I wondered how the fuck am i going to make it through today? I just wanted to throw my phone and roll over. Mind going past light speed, hurdles so high I need a pole to vault them, time just isn’t on my side. Another day, another chance was all I kept telling myself. The more I tried to get up, the heavier my feet became. The faster my mind traveled through the empty thoughts of things I have no power to fix manage or control. So I pray. God help me! Give me strength, give me guidance for it is dark today. And nothing, no voice, no sign, the lights didn’t turn on suddenly. I lasted there, crying. Then after a few more minutes I took a deep breath and sat up. My prayers were answered as I realized all I have to be grateful for. I didn’t HAVE to get up and go to work, I was being allowed to. I woke up clean, all ten fingers and toes. My legs both work. I have a relatively firm grasp of reality. So I washed my face and went outside for a smoke. It was then that I started to cry again. Not really sure why, but sometimes I don’t. So as I sat there crying, having my morning smoke watching the sun come up, I realized how I am going to get through the day. I’m just gonna hold my head high, pull my boots on a little tighter, pray, use the tools that I have that worked last time this overcame me, and put one foot in front of the other until they take me back to my bed tonight. I am truly grateful to be alive and clean today. I am blessed beyond my dreams. My stars are not just changing, they are turning into Sun’s! Life evolves, addiction is hell. But today, life is good, God is great, and recovery is beautiful. To those of you out there in the grip of it, I pray that today is the day your life changes for the better as mine has and continues to. God Bless. Stay safe tonight and a very happy New year.20161231_084857


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