Coming Undone

Good morning to all who may be reading this. So my alarm clock now goes off at four am now, yay! Today’s title is a Korn song I heard yesterday again for the first time. Yeah did you catch that, again for the first time. With so many things in my life, music especially,  every time I hear a song it’s like hearing it with a different set of ears and for the first time again. Let me put it like this mind.body, soul, my heart, my likes and dislikes, as I have said before, are constantly changing,  evolving if you will. Take this song for example. It sparked my mind to a level I hadn’t planned on taking it to yesterday. Amongst many other things, music is one of the biggest catalysts in my life. Because what works on Some days doesn’t on others, I look to things for inspiration and guidance other than my bible. I look for things that just make sense to my sick and twisted mind, Korn was it yesterday! Sometimes whatever that catalyst is, a song, a smell, a memory, a smile on a cloudy day from a stranger, it sparks something close to an atomic bomb in my imagination.  It lights a fire to a million thoughts and each one of those million thoughts has a billion ideas or their own. Some days I feel like there is not enough trees to make the paper needed to write it all down if my hand could only begin to keep up with my imagination. It’s like this here, have you ever been fishing? Well that 4 # walleye never takes the bait when you are sitting there staring at the bobber. Nope. It’s only when you set it down, crack a soda as you are lighting a smoke and your phone goes off when the winds of “Let’s stir shit shot up real good” blow in and that bobber gets yanked from your vision! That’s how my mind works, full throttle out of the curve in the rain! In total chaos, orchestrated and even sometimes during mass confusion of life’s ticket is when i am able to pluck one of the rarest beauties I’ve ever seen. I love it, life today. I’m doing my thing today, finding myself again, constantly moving and shaking with the changing times in my head. Coming undone doesn’t scare me like it used to. My foundation is solid, Some days I love in the penthouse of a high rise, other days it’s a rain fly anchored down with broken promises and shattered dreams as I lay inside the whirlwind of emotions and taste the pain and suffering, trying to figure out why what once worked for me has crashed in a tailspin, I come undone. And this is all okay with me. Sometimes i need to live with the gypsy soul that flows within me. Other days im ready to lay it down and be still. Evolving are the ways of the gun in recovery, so as i write this with my finger on the trigger, I am seeing things for tge first time, again. Today i am comfortable, or at peace, in the darkness, because it’s where i see the light the best. When it all does burn down as it does Some days, I rebuild with those that were holding my hands through the whole thing, you know who you are!!! Today i just don’t stare at tge sun for too long! To those of you out there in the grip of it, i pray that today is the day your life changes for the better as mine has and continues to.  God bless! I love you and you matter!!! 226 days today!!!screenshot_20161220-045935

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