Double dipping today, had to give MLK his much dues! But I have things going on I have no words to explain. I should be fine, my life is great. Recovery, work, school, everything is going good for the first time in my life, so why do I feel this way? What is missing? God you say? I pray and read my bible daily and go to church as much as I can find a ride there. I am probably more in tune with my spirituality than ever in my life. Why is this happening? Ptsd nightmares have spiked lately, I miss my kids more than ever and I think about my dad more and more each day. I have this emptiness inside me that longs to be filled, but no matter what I put in it, ints not it! I’m tired today like never before. Not like I need to go back to sleep tired either, just heavy ya know? I feel guilty for feeling this way like who am I and what do I have to complain about? But I hurt and long for something that I have no idea what it is. It is frustrating me to monstrous proportions. When is enough enough? This is chewing me up and spitting me out! I smile and stay positive but inside my heart and my mind, I’m dying. I go on like everything is cool and keep helping everyone even those that could give a shit less if I am crying or hurting. Today is Monday and even though I feel this way I will still do great things, because it’s who I am, I refuse to give in. Whatever it is, will be fed or die of hunger. To those of you out there in the grip of it, I pray that today is the day your life changes for the better as mine has. God Bless. I love you and you matter!