Blueprints in my mind…


Good morning to all reading this. So much running through my mind today. Let’s see if I can put in down on here in a way that makes sense to most. So I have these ideas, these dreams, and tools that I use and live and dream and imagine all day every day. Well lets back up for a minute first. I have always had a place in my mind where I would go to not just when things were bad, but when I was bored, or alone or just wanted to go there. This place is where my imagination is at its finest. It free of judgment, free to just go. No restraints. This place is where I do deep thinking. It is where My best and often worst memories are stored or filed away for future use or reference. It’s like a concert is going on in this place, a symphony at times. All the while, I am dreaming, planning, remembering, escaping, sorting, relaxing, and on and on. I have become so comfortable there that it is where I spend most of my time. I can and do still function in everyday life, at work, in class, and home. So it is not like I have gone crazy and have lost touch with reality, but if you read yesterday’s post, you will know that I do have a hard time with what is real sometimes. Again, another reason I go to my spot. I know what is real there. I know what I am feeling and thinking and doing to be true and real. Too many times these days I find myself wondering about what other people’s agendas are when they include me, but not in a consistent way, ya know? I don’t know if that makes sense to you all. I guess I am still more guarded than I thought I was. Anyways, this place if you will, is where I like to be. As many of you know class has started for the spring semester.  I love it! I forgot how much I do love this. I love the whole experience. I do not always get it right on the first try here, but the help and support are off the chain. They make it almost impossible to fail if you really want to succeed. It is what gets me sparked! I simply can not get enough of it. I love being on campus too. I have made some really good friends and contacts and I don’t mean with just other students either. Professors, advisors, and deans or department heads walk right up to me and talk to me. One of them, who will be my targeted advisor next semester asked me to do a motivational speech to her class last semester! I can’t walk through campus without being approached. It is a very surreal experience. Something that took some time for me to accept. So back to these blueprints in my mind. They are constantly changing, sort of. I have a solid base drawn up, but the rest is evolving with the rest of me. I add and erase and redraw all the time. This is something new to me as well. You see, I am used to living by the gun and that blueprint is simple but complicated at the same time. So to have the freedom and or ability to draw my own set of prints is a fucking miracle. Its absolutely exhilarating. I am learning to look at things from outside the box, from a different set of eyes almost. What I mean is that my problems, self-inflicted or any other, are not really that bad. I can and will overcome any and all obstacles that get in my way. And if I get lost, I have a set of prints to look at and recalculate anything about them to evolve with the flow of time, the tides of life I float on in this sea of fear. Inside joke to those that are close to me, if I need help with the math involved with the recalculating, I have that expensive calculator I bought to breeze through my math class, bah hahahawin_20170120_08_15_18_pro. To those of you out there in the grip of it, I pray that today is the day your life changes forever as mine has and continues to. God bless. I love you and you matter!

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