Verstehen…


Good morning! Let me get this out of the way; I have 8 months clean today my friends! And am now crying for the third time and I’ve only been up two hours. Happy tears though, happy tears. Tears that aren’t as salty to my palate as those other nasty ones can be. So on to the title this morning. Its German for understanding the meaning if action from the actors point if view. Wow right? I thought wow. So understanding my actions from my point if view huh? Game changer for me for real. Understanding on its own is really something. Understanding some are sicker than others, that it will be ok, understanding that I don’t have to understand everything too is what pulls me from the depths of despair sometimes. Evolving, changing, adapting, overcoming, and UNDERSTANDING have been what has made it a possibility for me to pull together 8 months. 8 months, I like the way that sounds. I wanna name my dog 8 months. Just so I’ll never ever forget today. Getting Jiggy with it is playing on Pandora and that just may be today’s catalyst. Why not? Its Saturday, I’m getting some overtime, schools going good, did I mention I have 8 MNTHS CLEAN TODAY!!? So yeah, IMA get jiggy wit it today! I’m on one right now. A natural feel good one. Them natural dopamine’s are firing again and its surreal. I would like to thank a few people while I’m writing in here this morning, as I’m crying and the people on the train are looking at me like wtf? What do they know about 8 months anyways! I wanna fucking scream, I HAVE 8 MONTHS CLEAN!!!! so yeah, first, Miss Toni, Thank you!! This woman right here I tell you. If the world was full of people with half of what she is and gives away, it would be a better place no doubt about that! This ones for you my friend for you are the one that has taught me so much about life and what being a friend means! You have a beautiful soul and I am eternally grateful for having the honor of calling you my friend! Next would have to be Na as a whole. Everyone I have met in them rooms has taught me something, so to all of you that know me from there, I thank you! Next would be the stranger I talk to everyday. That person that mist people won’t even make eye contact with, yeah I hold conversations with them. The struggle is real! If I ever intend to help with it, why not talk to the ones who are struggling? There are times when all I want is for someone to talk to me. Someone to see that I need this and reach out. Even if its just a simple hi and a smile. Not having to ask for it and cheapen it is what makes a difference. So to all those people that society calls strange, that I call my friends, I thank you. I owe some big thanks to God! For I do all things through him! Never ever underestimate the power if prayer my friends! So Today gonna be Turing for me. My emotions are going to be all over the place.addiction is going to be in my ear more than ever. So please bare with me on Facebook for I live vicariously through social media now days. I live you all and you matter to me! Your struggle or the lack thereof, matters to me! To those of you out there in the grip of it, I pray you find peace, that today is day one of your 8 months! God bless! I live you and you matter! Stay up, way up!img_20170126_063756_285

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One thought on “Verstehen…

  1. 8 months ago, I was struggling to understand why God put me on this path of trying to help others find their way out of the darkness of addiction. So many I’d tried to help had fallen back into the darkness despite my greatest efforts. And sadly, some I’d lost forever. “Why, God? Why did you put me here? I can’t do this anymore!” The fire in my heart was all but extinguished.

    8 months and 2 days ago, I was introduced to an addict who was so far lost in the darkness of addiction that the light of life in his eyes was nothing more than an occasional weak flicker. Once again, I cried out to God, “Why??? There’s obviously nothing I can do for this one… he’s too far gone. I’m not stong enough to handle the loss of another!” But, when that addict spoke to me with tears and a shaky voice, “Miss Toni, I need your help or I’m gonna die… I don’t wanna die”, God wouldn’t let me turn away. Little did I know, that very moment was when God began to change 2 lives in extraordinary ways… yours and mine!

    8 months later, you’re not the same addict I met that day. Today, you run the gauntlet of recovery like a master, even when the darkness gnashes at your heels! Today, that weak flicker of light in your eyes has become a raging inferno! You hold your head high, walk with a purpose, and are letting NOTHING stop you from achieving your dreams. You’ve found your way out of the darkness and into the light of living!

    8 months later, I no longer question why God has placed me on this path. I now know that there is no such thing as “too far gone”, and my life has been forever changed by you, my friend. The fire in my heart is ablaze with determination! I’m holding my head high, walking with a purpose, and will let NOTHING stand in my way of achieving my dreams of helping others find their way out of the darkness.

    There are no words strong enough to convey my gratitude for all you’ve done for me, Jason. So, I’ll just say “Thank You!” It’s been one hell of a journey, and I thank God every day for crossing our paths. I can’t wait to see what the future holds, my friend! I know God has plans… BIG plans… for both of us!

    Liked by 1 person

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