Sometimes in recovery…


Good morning to all my true believers!!! So I thought about a couple of different titles for this morning’s post, but there is no “typical” day in recovery or in life for that matter. I am going to rely on some songs this morning and quote when possible or when I remember. I do this often because I rely so much on music and a lot of the artists I listen to are saying exactly what I am feeling. This is not to say I won’t have my own words to put down as well, but the songs are a good start. The first song is ‘I can’t Remember’ by Alice in Chains! Great fucking song, for real. I mean This happens to me frequently in recovery these days with school and work and NA and just simply recovering, I can’t remember everything all the time. Shit, I forgot to eat last week! It was only because a meeting I had was delayed because the other person was on lunch did I remember to eat.There have even been times I felt like I forgot how to breathe, how to smile and laugh, how to do anything but exist. That song is a lot deeper than just remembering to eat, though, if you have never heard it, listen to it! Lane sings about not having eyes to cry and that’s what I used to wish for, no eyes. Not today, crying, which I do often, is a necessary part of my survival anymore. The next song is another favorite of mine by Alice in Chains called ‘It Aint Like That’. Pretty deep song, the intro says mountains. I can relate on so many levels. When he sings about the cycle I can’t help but think back to the dope sick cycle. You know, do dope, hustle for more dope, get sick, panic, fear, lie steal and cheat, yeah that cycle! Well like the song says it ain’t like that anymore!!! Ups and downs with the flowing tides of life yeah, but dope sick? Not yesterday, not today, and tomorrow is looking good too! I guess what I’m trying to say here is that I’m not perfect, no one is, and that’s ok with me. I don’t want to ever be perfect. I like the man I have become and the man who I strive to be. My days are so all over the place with emotions not because I am unstable, but because I am still new at all of this. What’s right and wrong is becoming more and more clear everyday, but how to handle certain social situations? yeah ok. I like how each day is different. I love how I wake every day with the chance to make the right choices. Feels good! Life, it’s what’s for breakfast, and lunch, and dinner, and because it’s life, there is no fucking desert!!!! Recovery man, it’s crazy. It’s given me more this last 8 months than in my whole life put together! It is truly a beautiful thing, active addiction, now that’s a fugazi! So hold your heads high today all of you! Love and smile and know that you matter to me! To those of you out there in the grip of it, I pray that today is the day your life changes for the better as mine has! God Bless and stay up… P.S. The attached picture is my buddy Gary, Say hi to Gary!16650766_359742717742846_1639959777_o

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