“Just Keep Me Where The Light is…”

Good morning to all my true believers. Prayers to the families of the one lost overnight and to those that stared at the clock or the phone all night rocking back and forth crying. So this John Mayer song was on my earphones two mornings in a row!! Plus, I wrote a post yesterday morning with the same exact title about the same exact thing only it did not post because of persnickety wifi situations here. So I am going to write it again but I am sure it will turn out different. So the 21 st was my dads 6 year anniversary in heaven right. In the past, this a proven to be a near death experience for me. My disease would feed off this type of shit for me, this day especially!!!  for some sort of relief and what I got was unexplainable. I was forced to wear a smile all day at work because I work with the public. I guess I could have cried at the register but not real sure how well that would have gone over with my boss, a control freak!!! So as the day progressed my anxiety grew worse about going to see him only because it had been so long and who likes to talk to a cold headstone? When I arrived I received the shock of a lifetime. My little brother was there! That’s not the shock really he is my brother and that was his dad too. The shock is the fact that I did pray to see him that day because I hadn’t seen him in six years either!!I have no idea why but he won’t talks to any of his remaining family. Grieving? Maybe but there are other issues I choose not to put out there that he is ignoring that eat at me any weigh heavy on my heart because I am being forced to deal with them and answer questions for this little girl who has a broken heart over it. Anyways he was not warm and receptive as I had hoped and drove off really quick. As I watched him drive away I looked over at my Dad and felt a relief and warmth I never have about anything. Broke me to my knees and I had a cry. I sat my rose down upon the flowers my brother had just left and told my Dad how much I loved him and how much I missed him as my girlfriend and the best friend held me from behind. It was nice! So then we go to the beach to relax and gather my thoughts and a bit of reflection on the day’s events only to be blown away by the beauty that the beach had waiting for us there. My God was it almost unreal! We sat and enjoyed the view and the strangely powerful calm that hung over the pier heavier than the fog that rolled through! It was beautiful. I cant help but wonder how much of that as well my dad had to do with ya know? I did my best with her help to make a good memory on a day that usually brings me anxiety and heartache!Finding positives in all negatives is becoming my new favorite thing. I love you, Jimmy! I miss you my brother and pray that you find some relief and peace! I miss you too DAD! For everything good that flows through my veins16910800_367009330349518_1239944071_o came from you!!! Rest easy old man! I will write more on this later today as I usually remember things that I forgot after the fact so this will be a two part for sure. It is the broken ones the light shines through the best!! Who are you in the matter? Turn on your love light today, and leave it on!! To thosse of you out there in the grip of it, I pray that today is the day your life changes forever as mine has. I see you! I love you. You matter to me!!! God bless and stay up, Way Up…

1 Comment

  1. It took strength to do what you did on Tuesday and I am so very proud of you for doing it. I am elated you allowed me to be a part of this, good or bad. Yes, the day turned out to be so wonderful that I have no words to describe it. And ‘WE’ will continue to make amazing memories to accompany the terrible ones we have for days such as these. Oh sweet baby, I love you for all of the memories we have already made and all of the memories we have yet to make together. I cannot wait! All my love…

    Liked by 1 person

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