Hey, hi, and hello to all my true believers out there. So I sit here waiting for one of the biggest personal events of my recovery. A writer from a local college is on her way here to do an article on me and my journey in recovery. I am more nervous than I have ever been. I am humble of course but on a different level. I feel guilty for being tired sometimes. I feel this weight on my shoulders today. The weight of every addict out there in the grip of it. Everyone who struggles with words to describe what they need help with. Everyone who has no one to talk to. I feel it as if it were my own. I read and study and get good grades and reach out to help as much as I can and sometimes too much I have been told. But I feel like it is now an unpayable debt to society that I will forever be obligated to. I know we as addicts must accept our pasts and move on, but for me, if I do this, I will soon forget where it was I came from. I do not want to forget what it was like. I frequently read old journals and I even have a suicide note I wrote in 2011 that I read every morning that maybe someday I will post on here. I know I am only one person, but I am determined more than ever to help as much as I can. I know a freedom I have never known from the desire to use drugs and alcohol. In fact, most of the anxiety I experience today is a dizziness from that freedom of the desire to use. I am gonna cut this short tonight and will continue this in a two part tomorrow. To those of you out there in the grip of it, I pray that today is the day your life changes forever as mine has and continues to. God Bless and stay up, way up. I love you and you matter to me!!!