Day time, night time, meanwhile n the meantime…

Good morning to all the true believers out there! Woke up clean Again! What a start to the day! Ups and downs and smiles and cries! Do this, don’t do that. Something in my ear is telling me its gonna be ok to go and be bad, to do bad things, to use. This won’t ever stop they tell me. As long as I do what is suggested I will have relief. And I have and do, have relief from the desire to use and do bad things connected with the life. Those bad things though. They can be anything really. Anything you know is not right. Something as small as rolling a stop sign to well, the sky is the limit and the in between is gray for most. When I was pouring concrete a lot of dudes would sit and discuss how to do a daunting task. They would talk forever on a hundred different ways to do it and which one was the easiest. Then they looked up and I would be lighting a smoke wiping the sweat from my face and it was done. That’s sort of how I deal with life today. Notice I said sort of. I do not make impulse decisions by any means, but I do not look for the easier or softer way! If i know its going to suck or be painful, I just do it. Bite down and take it and of. Sometimes the pain is needed to remain humble. Sometimes the emotional pain isn’t really pain just a new to me emotion that I struggle to learn how to sort out. Even good feelings have been trained to come out as bad from the way I used to live. I’m sick I know! But getting better. Hopelessness no longer has me by the fucking throat! Each day clean, my confidence grows. My confidence in the tools I have acquired in recovery. The people I surround myself with keep amazing me with support and acts of kindness I never knew were possible. Change is a constant. In fact it is the only thing I can count on remaining the same! Nothing surprises me anymore. Be easy my friends. Rest assured I am not thinking about using anymore or less than that little bitch in my ear always has been telling me to. I sit now and pray. I sit and be still and just breathe. I am sitting here taking it all in because everything happens for a reason. No matter how bad it seems, there is a positive in every negative! To those of you out there in the grip of it, I pray that today is the day your life changes for the better as mine has and continues to. God bless and stay UP. I love you and you matter to me!20170314_085058

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