Uncomfortable in recovery.


Good morning to all the true believers out there! Woke up clean again! Crazy how if I keep going to bed clean, I keep waking up clean! Change is the only thing that remains the same for me today in recovery! They said all I had to change was everything and my life would get better and not until. So I did, and I do. And guess what? It has and continues to! I’m so uncomfortable most of the time throughout my day I am on the verge of breaking. I mean straight up fucking total nuclear meltdown. And guess what? I do it, I make it without having to use! My sense of self-worth at the end of my active using was being able to shake down the money I needed for more dope and whatever it was I needed for that particular day. I would wake up most days, just before the sun, dope sick as fuck. Most days I had what I needed to get right, barely, though. Then it was on. That shit was not comfortable at the beginning or the end. I was uncomfortable across the board then. Today I am uncomfortable a lot, yes, but it’s only because of the newness of it all. There are things that were not so easy almost impossible in the beginning that have become like taking another breathe, yes! Like not using no matter what, that has become like taking the next step, sometimes the ground is shaky, yeah but I take it with the help of the faith I have in the tools I have required in recovery and I am able to see where to put my foot down because of the guiding light of hope guides my way. It does get better! For me, it could not get much worse. I stretch outside of my comfort zone daily. By simply admitting to the world, or at least the six people that will read this, my faults or defects of characters I am stretching! Change, its a motherfucker for sure, but totally necessary. For me when I feel uncomfortable in recovery I stop and take a minute to try and see what it is that is causing this. Is it something I need to avoid, someone? Most of the time it is addiction saying no don’t do it, go back to what you once knew and are starting to forget. But if I don’tWIN_20170326_07_48_33_Pro change, nothing will ever change! It is ok for me to feel uncomfortable because it usually means change is in the air and with change comes new things and with new things! I like new things. I do not use no matter what! That was a new thing that has become a constant! To those of you out there in the grip of it, I pray that today is the day that your life changes forever as mine has and continues! God bless and stay up. I love you and you matter to me!

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