Good morning to all the true believers who woke up clean with me again! And love and respect to those going through it and still managing to read this! So yeah I know the title right? lmao. Well, the bottom line is it in of itself is true, no? I am not writing this post just for that. What I am trying to say is that I have heard before that mechanics drive crappy cars and the lawnmower man has a shitty yard right? Well, I refuse to be the one that helps everyone else while my homefront isn’t on point! Though we are not married, yet, we still refer to each other as we are. This woman is THE ONE! I love you, Rachel! It’s not about just caving all the time to her every want and desire while I just swallow it and go or do without either. It is about seeing what really matters when it really matters. Sometimes I am not good at this as it is all so new to me. I strive to be a better man for me, for her, and for the little one growing inside of her that we made, with a little help from above! I guess what I am trying to say is that it’s not just a happy wife that gives me a happy life but there is something about her smile that brings me to my knees! Selflessly doing for others always makes me feel good. I do sometimes get caught up with work and school and not only the importance of it to me but the importance for me in someone else’s life. It’s a slippery slope, trying to make definitive lines of when and where to punch the clock, what is more, importanat and when. My life with work in the work I am in does not end when I leave work because I really can’t leave work. I have referred it to catching a fish before. You rarely catch the fish while you are holding the rod and staring at the bobber. It isn’t until I put the rod down. open a soda, light a smoke as my phone rings that the bobber is jerked underwater! That is how my life with work goes. Some days my phone is as silent as the wind. Other days it does not stop. It is usually as I am taking a timed test and my wife is going through it when my phone explodes and some other sort of crisis is going on when I will drop my coffee in my lap as I am driving with a cop behind me when it all goes down. Very easy to want to say fuck this sometimes. But this is what turns my crank nowadays. I love my job! I love my wife. And I love my family! I feel like I get jerked in a thousand directions sometimes and no matter what I do or where I choose to go, that somebodies feeling are going to get hurt. Often times, and sometimes too often, that person feelings are mine. I wear my heart on my sleeve for sure, those that know me, know this. So if I have neglected you in any way I am sorry! This life is new to me and I do not always know what is the next right thing to do outside of not putting a needle in my arm! That is why I love when people are just real with me! I love you all! I really do! To those of you out there in the grip of it, I pray that today is the day your life will change for the better as mine has and continues to. God bless and stay up. I love you and you matter to me!