Battle scars

Hello to all those true believers out there staying clean with me just for today. The struggle is real! I am just two short days away from having ten months clean and it ain’t been an easy almost ten months let me tell ya. I took my girl to what I used to call home just before I went to treatment in South Bend and wow just wow. I haven’t been there since June fifth last year and the emotions running through me were undescribable. Faster than light speed, stronger and dirtier than an old steam engine! The title refers to a lot of things to me today. We used to joke around about our physical appearance when we came to after a night or in my case a few nights of partying. You know puke stains, hair all crazy, grass stains, and it wasn’t uncommon for me to be missing another tooth and my apartment to have more holes in the wall or a hammer stuck in it. Shit one morning I woke up to a twelve in butcher knife stick in the bathroom door with the door locked and two of my buddies  inside scared for their lives! That’s just a little of what we used to call battle scars before I started shooting dope because Afterwards, I had no home and no one to joke with and the scars were nothing to joke about! Today, I still get scars from my battles everyday and yes they sometimes leave blood! More so are they of the emotional type. Mostly my emotions, but too often they are those of the ones I loves emotions that i hurt and the same ones that hurt me and my emotions. Nothing is intentional, or at least I would like to think that. I stay busy, period. Unless I get physically held down, I am on the move, and yes sometimes my wife to be has to hold me down to get some alone time with me. I  love you Rachel! I stay busy for me and my recovery mostly.  I stay busy for everyone’s well being around me in my circle so to speak. I stay busy for school in hopes of becoming a doctor someday. I stay busy at and with work because in some cases peoples lives depend on it! I stay busy for the benefit of society. Because if I didn’t stay busy with just one of those things I would be back under those trees in the sand on the beach! Never too busy though, right on that cusp is where I like it! To those of you in the grip I pray today is the day your life changes for the better as mine has! God bless and stay up. I love you and you matter to me!20170402_154710

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