Faceless, not Nameless…


What it do? This post is going to probably be all over the place as is my mind, my heart, and my emotions right now. I have written in the past about my dreams, my nightmares. I wrote about how the people in them are faceless with black holes where their eyes were supposed to be. I feel this way at times, faceless. But not nameless, not ever. Swiming in that sea of fears. Daydreaming with my head in that cloud of doubts. Finding out the 6 is a 9! Falling away from me. There is always someone that knows someone that knows something about it for sure! Doing this and not doing that while getting nothing back. Remaining positive but surrounded with negativity, maladaptive behaviors. Sublimation! Is that really just the lesser of two evils? There is no right or wrong anymore. People are either gonna do what they want to do or what they don’t wanna do. 21191059_454557834928000_1806995917_o.jpgSunrises past. Yesterdays Tomorrows are not proving to be as fruitful as I need them to be. What more can I do? what is there I need to do less of? Am I not seeing things clearly? Has my lens of perception become smeared with the grease of life? Seeing, hearing, feeling, and now tasting! Yeah tasting, I said tasting. It’s a salty taste mixed with that metal taste you get when you get blood in your mouth. Or metal, if anyone has ever had a gun barrel in their mouth. It has a distinct taste, metallic with a salt from the spent shells. That’s what life tastes like to me right now. Sit still and breathe Blackwell. 17379694_377742819276169_1867688107_o.jpgIt changes and will again I am sure because change is the only constant. Nietzsche has been quoted as saying ‘ because there is no background set of values that must be unconditionally accepted by all, interpretation reveals the value dependence of various points of view and that therefore it also shows that what we often take as facts are the products of earlier and forgotten values of interpretations ‘ He also says, ‘ The self, is not a constant or stable entity. On the contrary, it is something one becomes, something, he would even say, one constructs. a self is nothing more than a set of coherently connected episodes, and an admirable self, that consists of a large number of powerful and conflicting tendencies that are controlled and harmonized’. I may be faceless, but never nameless. I am Jay and I am an addict! Let me in or let me down. To those of you out there in the grip, I pray. God bless and stay up. I love you and you matter to me.21148372_454555794928204_1506560249_n

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