Day 421


Buenas Dias out there! The title, that’s how many clean days I have not how many days I have been perfect. It is how many days and nights I fucking cried for good reasons, for horrible reasons, and for no reason whatso fucking ever! It is the number of days I made mistakes. It is the number of days I was brought to my god damn knees tapping out, surrendering, just to be able to live to fight for another second. It is how many days I did not have to call a dope man and freely give him all my shit in order to not die. In fact, that number right there is how many days I have LIVED! It’s not magic or luck. It is not fake or false. It is pain I have never known! It is shame and guilt and facing all the lies! It is sleepless nights and days I wish would just fucking end already! It’s banging my head against the wall because I see no fucking way around! It’s a million and one phone calls to people other than the dope man. It is 421 days of praying like I never have before, and loving even harder! I can’t tell you everything it is or it ain’t, but I can tell you THE most important thing it is to me…

IT IS  FUCKING WORTH IT!!!!!!!!! To those of you out there in the grip, I pray. I am Jay and I am an addict. Let me in or let me down. God bless and stay up!WIN_20170830_05_11_08_Pro

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