“It’s all the same to me”

Benos dias out there. Have not written in here in a few days because Life has been so powerful this last week. Brought me to my knees? YUP! Tested my patience? YUP! Warmed my breaking heart? YUP! So many things have happened over this last week that was absolutely just jaw-dropping life events. First, we got Duke back! I know right? I had to place him at a foster home for a little over a month while we found a house suitable for us all. Did you catch that? Yeah, that’s21706625_462534810796969_1942841787_o one of the other events that took place this past week, we moved into our first house Mickey and I, and Duke of course! Shits crazy to me. I never thought I would be where I am in life, not even this time last year when drugs and alcohol were not in the picture. School is going better than I could ever dream it to be going too. I have two A’s and a B right now. The B is in Spanish. I pick up my fourth class this week, Philosophy 101. I cannot wait! I have been reading up on some of my favorite philosophers from some books I bought at my favorite little bookstore ever right here in the Bend. 21191393_455104084873375_1478222386_o.jpgWhat you know about Life Blackwell? Very little. What you know about Love Blackwell? Even less. I do know this right here though, ignorance is bliss and knowledge is power. The harder I try to hold on to something, the faster it slips from my grasp. It’s like trying to squeeze real hard and hold onto a handful of sand, the harder I squeeze, the faster it runs out of my fist. But if I just relax and open my palm up, some still falls off, but more stays on! There really are not any facts to all this, only perceptions as my favorite philosopher Nietzsche says. I just need to keep that power of positivity as the wind that blows in my sail as I drift along on this sea of fears! I don’t know what tomorrow will bring, but I know worrying about it won’t stop it! I’m sitting here eagerly awaiting the sunrise once again. That was a Marine Corps thing, “did you see the sunrise”?I am no longer looking for it through a cloud of doubt. My lens of perception has been wiped clean of the smears the grease of Life has left on it. Sit still and BREATHE Blackwell! To those of you out there in the grip, I pray. Let me in or let me down. I am Jay and I am an addict! We do recover! God bless and stay up. I love you and you matter to me. “Its all the same to me”!21706615_462534264130357_2042373607_o.jpg


  1. Congrats! I had a foster this past summer who turned out to now be a permanent fixture. The sweetest, most gentle rat terrier/chi mix. Your duke is a prince! 🙂 And, my gosh, what a beautiful couple! 🙂 Drive on, you’re an inspiration.

    Liked by 1 person

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