Buenas Dias out there. Happy hump day to those who celebrate. Coming to see things in a different light again for the first time. Trying to put into action some of the things my therapist and I talked about, but talking about them and actually doing them in the grip of it are two totally different worlds. Recovery is not just a new way of thinking it is a new way of living. It is everchanging, or at least for me, has evolved into a need for so much more. It has become a new way of action and reaction or lack thereof.
I have come to realize that some things are not meant to be understood. And for me with my love for wisdom, that’s not an easy pill to swallow. I have come to terms with my past. I no longer have the deep desire to cast light on every mysterious event of my entire existence. On the flip side though, I have become less willing to accept superficial interpretations and simplistic answers to life’s little riddles. To sit still and breathe Blackwell has evolved as well, it is now, at least for a little while, sit still Blackwell, explore, reflect, and think critically. Am I actively using the power of my soul to its fullest? As I said, some things have evolved.
I have read a few books lately that I never thought I would even look at let alone sit still long enough to read and they have become training guides for my mind. These are books I bought on my own at a lovely little bookstore right here in the Bend. Great books not intended to limit or persuade my thoughts but to help me think like I never have. That soul is still in the air, stirring. And it feels like mine is reaching for it.
I have made a choice not to be submerged in reality anymore, just aware of it. I get a new word of the day email and today’s blog title is my new word of the day today and I thought it sort of fit. It means all at once. What you know bout that Blackwell? “NOTHINNNNNNNNN” Let me in or let me down. I am Jay and I am an addict. No pressure here Life! To those of you in the grip. I pray. God bless and stay up. I love you and you matter to me.