Good fucking morning out there! This one is for the ones that have been rocking back and forth staring at that phone and waiting! For those watching that clock wondering how in the fuck has it only been three minutes since I looked at it last. A million miles away from everyone and everything but sitting right in your own damn house! Self-portraits in the dark. Running to what is comfortable, where is comfortable. I strive everyday to have the ability, no, the creativity to break out of established patterns of thinking and acting or reacting. I pray for the passion for understanding and the ability to have those eyes to see problems with more clarity. I have a new found love for an old friend. Probably my first friend and love in my life, writing!
Sometimes my thoughts are racing so fast and god damn hard, I don’t or cannot zero in on just one hundred of them long enough to decipher any of them. They become white bright flashes of energy. Until I write them down!!!!
From thought to word, to paper or laptop screen It is simply a distinctive complexity all of its own. It is a lifetime of racing thought zeroed in on in just the blink of an eye. It becomes like taking a photo of my thoughts and those photos are these blog posts or many of my hundreds of journals. And like with photos I take of anything else, the new ones steal the old ones luster and shine and make them less attractive. But it’s those old battle-scarred journals I love reading the most sometimes. You know the ones maybe? The ones where there is no blank paper anywhere, thoughts were intense and scribbled everywhere the paper would take the pen! A few tears have dripped and smeared the ink and probably a few blood stains of if they are old ones, beer stains. They even have a smell! Like an old shirt, I refuse to wash because it has perfectly captured the moment with its smell! YESSSSS! I write these blog posts for many reasons. Some selfish, others not so much. For the most part, I write them to help me understand me as much as I do to be understood if that makes a fucking lick of sense to anyone out there reading this. To run to something new. To have an intellectual ambition as great and vast as the universe is small. To those of you out there in the grip, I pray. I am Jay and I am a fucking addict! Let me in or fucking let me down! God bless and stay up. I love you and you matter to me.