“I’m an Ordinary Guy”

Good morning out there! It’s back, MONDAY Baby! I love it! I love Monday’s! Fuck stigmas! I know what is on my schedule for today and for some it may be above and beyond, but as for me, I am not exactly sure what will happen that is extraordinary, but that’s the beauty of it. I have all day to uncover that hidden jewel, to find that perfect blossom I have been in search of for so long.

My thoughts are stuck together. I’m ridding on the memory of a dream that hasn’t occurred yet. I used to think that coming undone so to speak was a bad thing and had panic attacks of epic proportions when it would start to happen. As time went by, as it will, I have come to look forward to this happening. My mind gets cluttered if you will, overloaded with thoughts and dreams and memories. For me, to come undone and burn down the house is a way or an opportunity to rebuild how I see it to be better. Standing there with matches in one hand and a can of gas in the other no longer scares me.

So as the song says, “pack a bag and jump overboard” “Strange but not a stranger”22184723_468404970209953_947898267_nI have heard it said that your first thought is a bad thought in a twelve-step group I attend, but I don’t really agree with that anymore. I have thought some really crazy and bad shit in my past and still do to an extent these days, BUT, I have and still do think up some really great and beautiful things up there. ANd sometimes they are my first thought. What about that gut instinct, my first reaction thought to a situation? I have very rarely been wrong about them. It evolves! Whats that Blackwell? Life, my position in it. What worked for me yesterday did and does and will continue to. I have become and must stay fluid in order to flow with the tides of life. At times, yes, surfing. Other times almost drowning yes. And still, at other times, floating peacefully on my back with a lit cigarette in my mouth!

I used to want a watch, not anymore! Time, she is my biggest thief! That beautiful sunset is a lie! The sunrise is where it’s at! I am Jay and I am an addict! We do recover! Look around! Let me in or let me down! To those of you out there in the grip, I hope! Stay up. I love you and you matter to me!21082187_453624235021360_46274296_o

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