Buenas Dias out there! I woke up clean again, above ground, and breathing free air! As I sat outside having a smoke and walking Duke, I stared at the sky eagerly awaiting the sunrise and all the truth it brings and thought, “all the stars in the sky, if they all were to fall at once, couldn’t give me enough wishes to get what I already have”!
Something inside me has changed. I find myself getting caught on a memory of a dream that hasn’t occurred yet often. I guess that happens when dreams are constantly coming to life! I feel alive for the first time. My imagination is exploding! Imagination! You know, that place in your mind that takes frozen moments of time of things not yet present to the senses?! Ahhhhh, I love it there! I used to say, or have said in the past how I was once lost but now found. I would rather remain lost. Lost in thought, lost in my imagination, lost in love! Imagination! The place dreams are made of! The air is thin but that spirit is still stirring in it just a little slower, with more style and grace.
They told me in the twelve step group I go to that a thought is only that unless I act upon it. That is why I love Mondays so much. I have the courage to act on these thoughts and dreams that stem from my imagination more so on Mondays. I need about six more hours in the day anymore or a less active imagination, no way, SIX MORE HOURS! It’s not first thought bad thought anymore for me! I never thought in a million years I would be able to see and reach this far into the sky from the depths of depravity my soul had sunk to. It had, or so I thought, become diseased, my soul that is. But Today no matter what it’s condition ever was, it is soaked! My Soul that is. It is wet and heavy! Full of life and luster! Soaked with it to be exact. I used to run from my own mind; that, or be stuck in it like a prison. It has evolved and just like any other muscle, it can grow. Behaviors are learned experiences. And just as they are learned they can be unlearned.
I am Jay and I am an addict. I have found that new way to live! We do recover! Look around! Let me in or let me the fuck down! To those of you out there in the grip, I hope! Stay up! I love you and you matter to me!