Hey, hi, and hello out there, he says in a whisper. Is a loud voice always an authoritative one? Is it quantity on the volume knob or is it quality out of the speaker? The sky is blue right? Well, when it is not cloudy it is. How do you know? Because you can look and see for yourself right? As long as your eyes are working and you are not blind. My eyes and ears are bleeding and I wonder if I am still breathing at times!
What I once thought to be true and real and absolute, I have doubts about now. It has nothing to do with the color of the sky as I only used that as an example. Here is another one. You breathe, your mouth opens and you suck wind, breathing it into your lungs right? How do you know that next lung full of air is going to be there? You cannot see it, right? Well for me it is hope. I hope the next breath will be there and I find out it is when it hits my lungs and I blow out what my body does not need from it. It is sort of like taking the next step when you are carrying something and you cannot look down right? People say that I am strange because I want change! So be it. I have been called worse and I am a little strange anyway. I am that rational animal! I have learned to question things that were once so clearly absolute in my life.
I try to let my imagination illuminate the mysteries in my life. I have become less willing to accept superficial interpretations and simplistic answers to questions I have had for decades. I refuse to rely on dogmatic tradition to soothe my worrisome soul. I have found an inner peace I never knew possible and my soul is an old one that stirs about bouncing and jumping from cloud to cloud. It helps me to steal the thunder from the sky after I have let the lightning out of the bottle.
I guess what I am saying is that I have reached a point in my life where I am comfortable with exploration. I want more and refuse to be the stagnant one in the room content with not being an independent thinker. Truth to me is judged by what I can successfully correspond to reality. My mind is a muscle just like any other in my body and is no longer frail as much as it is insatiable. Let the suffering speak! We do recover! Look around! Let me in or let me down! To those of you out there in the grip, I hope. I am Jay and I am an addict! Stay up. I love you and you matter to me!