The sign I fly today….

Hey, hi, and hello out there. Nice photo huh? Yeah well, that was the edited version of what I would really like to say, no wait, what really NEEDS to be said! When I was in active addiction I will never ever forget the first time I was reduced to fly a sign! NAW! Fuck that! I will never forget every single time I ever flew a sign! It was the most dehumanizing experience of my life! And I did it on my own free will. Or was it? My own will? And was it free? Did I not pay a heavy toll to get where I was in life in those little frozen moments in time holding a sign? Raining, cold, snowing, holidays, everyday! It made no difference the beast needed to be fed!

That sign there today though, I fly with pride. Or do I? Is it pride? Or is it knowing what it felt like when I felt those eyes upon me standing there dope sick, to sick and tired to raise my head. Too shameful. It is not the change that jingles I seek out today from that sign. Today, I seek the type of change that comes from within. Within each and every set of eyes out there. Every heart, every mind that has the capacity to imagine what it is like to live that life and really want to help somebody that may not see any other way out except to enter the trap and chase the dragon again!

CHANGE! It is what is required for a better today and for there to even be a tomorrow! We do recover! Look Around! Let me in or let me down! I am Jay, Today I am just an addict. An addict with 493 days clean! People can change but may not know how? Imagine!!!!!!! To those of you out there in the grip, I hope. Stay up. I love you and you matter to me!!!WIN_20171018_06_41_28_Pro

1 Comment

  1. Never flew a sign but DID the lot lizard shit at gas stations and me, being a girl with a kind young looking face, was ALWAYS able to appear as if I wasn’t going to take that money and score. At least long enough for them to open their wallets and give me a handout. The things we do as addicts in active addiction are humiliating. I would be embarrassed NOW to even ask for change to air up my tire at a gas station let alone basically beg like years before

    Liked by 1 person

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