Life in recovery, I couldnt see it, so, I had to BE it!
You, me, him, her, we’re all the same in our own different little ways.
Fell down seven times But I got up! The time os NOW! No time to wait! My mind is no longer
battleground full of hate. It has become a fresh a fresh canvass with each sunrise on which I paint my masterpiece!
No more artificial lies in a superficial life. There are lies in a compromise.
Dropped it! Picked it up!
Fell down! But I GOT BACK UP!
“What it is-what it is- what it is…
…TO BE FREE”!!!!!!!!!!
Life in recovery can be confusing. It was and is currently and will probably remain so forever. I’m fine with that. Some things aren’t meant to be so black and white and able to be completely understood. When I was in active addiction my life was complete chaos! That is putting it very mildly. I would start shit just so there would be shit! And it always exploded into open conflict with devastating results! And if I didn’t start shit, my decisions from yesterday made sure that today was filled with shit! I became comfortable in shit! Literally! It became my life’s mission, to survive the shit!
Well, after so much hard work and a few days clean, my bad decisions from the past eventually started to dwindle. I am not without shit completely from the past and I still make some bad decisions as I am just an infant in this thing I call Life in recovery. But, it is getting so much better that I find myself with, wait no, I was finding myself with more time on my hands. School and work and domesticated shit make sure I am not bored these days, but still, even on my worst day, I am barely at half speed. Part of me is scared to floor it out of fear of failure. Part of me is scared of what others will think still. “How is he doing all that clean? ANd making it look easy?” I say that humbly. But I try to be as honest on here as possible. It is ok for me, for everything to be ok today. I do not have to force myself to start shit out of boredom or for any other reason that I used to because the list of why I did is long and distinguished. Sit still and Breathe Blackwell has a different meaning today than it did just a few short hours ago! I am Jay, and I am so much more than just an addict! Stay up…