“That Feeling You Feel The Most”

hey, hi, and hello out there. That title huh? Yeah, I know sort of adds to yesterdays post. Happiness is not a sin! All too often in my life, I am overwhelmed with feelings, with emotions! Yeah, those two nasty little words right? WRONG! With today marking my 500th day clean in recovery, I have found it is ok to be happy! No wait, it’s ok to feel, period!

I was recently challenged by a man I have the utmost respect for, to take a look at my failures in my recovery as well as I just may find something there. This isn’t just any man either. This man does more for others in need than he does for himself. This man did things for me and my recovery and my chance at life after I threw a chair at him for calling me an ambulance when I was overdosing in the bathroom of the facility he oversee’s. Yeah! He takes it on the chin daily. So I accepted his challenge and took a long hard look at just a few of my recent failures, there are too many to list!

Wow! Just wow. Game changer!!! To be able to just sit still and breathe and then take an honest look back to reflect is amazing! Thank You, JIm!

It took me a long time and a lot of tears and smiles and cries to get where I am and will take a lot more to get where I am going. Feeling happy used to confuse me, made me feel guilty almost immediately. It has no reason to today other than residual old ways of thinking creeping in like a cold draft under a door on a cold day. I am happy today! And I am ok with that. There is truth in a sunrise, chance! Another shot at life! A shot at doing over what I failed at yesterday and being able to sit back and reflect on my failures not only gives me another chance at doing them right, it makes me a stronger man even if I fail at them again because the sunset no longer defeats me! I am Jay and I am a happy addict who has found a new way to live!

To those of you out there in the grip, I hope. We do recover! Look around! Let me in or let me down! Stay up. I love you and you matter to me!WIN_20171025_04_44_02_Pro (2)


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