Hey, hi, and hello out there. Well, it was bound to happen and yesterday it finally did. I have been saying I love Monday’s for quite some time now for a number of different reasons. The main one was to try and changeup that Mondays suck stigma. It is a cognitively distorted phrase. Just because something bad happened one time long ago on a Monday now they all must suck? NAW! I ain’t buying that! Or just because the weekend is over? I lived my life for over thirty-five years in party mode and on vacation so to speak so I am ready to get busy. But for those of you that have been doing the responsible thing for most or all of your life and still look at Monday as ah shit back to work, it could always be worse! Imagine standing in a bread line somewhere or flying a sign and taking everything that comes with that! I will get back to that in a few minutes, first I wanna talk about the Monday from hell.
It started out rough from the jump. I woke up at five am as usual to do homework after having gone to bed well after two am so, zero sleep. I did what I wanted to with homework by 6am and after kicking it around, I decided to go back to sleep. BAD IDEA! I woke up feeling even worse, sluggish and crabby. Bitter and running on caffeine and hate once again. I had an appointment over an hour and a half drive away, so, off we went. Some mismanaged time over the weekend and I did not make it to the bank. Many might say just use an atm card, but I still have issues with having readily available cash at hand so that was not an option. Barely had the gas to make it to where I had to be but we made it. The appointment literally took less than two minutes and could have been handled over the phone if only there was more cooperation.
So, off to the bank for cash and smokes and more caffeine. Except there was a problem with an account that was eventually diverted and was an error on the banks part, more stress all the same. This put us behind schedule and time, as I have said in the past many times, is a commodity I can’t get enough off. It’s like I am constantly robbing Peter to pay Paul in time and I already cut out everything I could to streamline my schedule. If I cut out anything else I will end up homeless again it feels like. So situation after situation kept on coming and coming. Things were tense but we made it home. I skipped class in order to get a couple hours of sleep before work again. But what I did not do yesterday with homework does not just go away. I will have to omit something in the future in order to rob or cheat the time clock for another few seconds.
Work, when I made it there went extremely well and my supervisors love me. It was what happened on my way to work I would like to talk about next. I live in South Bend. It is not the largest city I have ever lived in nor is it the smallest. The homeless population seems to be the greatest though and unfortunately. Me having been homeless for so many years, I know what it is like. It is so unbelievably taxing on your soul! I was pulling up to a stop light and seen a man flying a sign. I did not pay much attention to what it said as much I as I did to the fact that this man was shivering so bad it was almost impossible to read anyways. I pulled into the vacant lot next to him and began getting a dollar bill out of my wallet. I honked my horn and motioned him over with my hand that had the dollar in it. As he approached I rolled down my window and pulled a few cigarettes from my pack. When he got close enough to hear me I said hey bud here ya go and he said thank you and god bless without making eye contact. I could feel the shame and guilt coming from him as if it were my own and I instantly remember every single time I flew a sign and the shit I went through and felt. As he started to turn away I said hey bud what is your name? He turned to me looking me in the eye with a half smile and said Joe, my name is Joe. I said hey there Joe my name is Jay, stay safe and warm huh? He smiled ear to ear and I could see tears in his eyes as I drove off. That dollar will for sure be missed in a couple of days as I live paycheck to paycheck but I will never have a regret for giving it to him except maybe I could not give more or do more.
When I was in his shoes and flying a sign I did for sure buy drugs and alcohol with the money I was given! Yup! Yes! I sure fuck did. There is no way to tell for sure if Joe did or will and may not have stopped me from giving him a dollar anyways. No way to tell if he was an addict or a vet and the color of his skin made absolutely no difference to me. He is/was homeless and freezing. And HUMAN! It is not pleasant standing there holding a sign by any fucking means! People spit on you and throw shit at you and call you names and say things I won’t ever be able to unhear. I was only able to not want to be that way anymore. I hope for you, Joe!
To those of you out there in the grip, I hope. We do recover! Look around! Let me in or let me down. I love you and you matter to me. Stay up, and STAY HUMAN!!!!