Hey, hi, and hello out there. Monday morning once again huh? When the pen hits the paper? More like, when the bullet hits the bone! It’s not easy to admit defeat, to wave that white flag. Especially me being a Marine and all, to see something positive in a failure is a character trait that took me a lot of hard work to obtain, even where I am at, and that is not that far. It is a long road to the middle, a hard road full of forks and blind corners and dead man’s curves. It takes a lot to not only admit defeat but to do so publicly but I do. For the most part, all of my failures go public as well as my accomplishments and triumphant moments of glory. What is unfortunate about that though is there are people out there that are not on my level and I say that humbly. What I mean is, not everyone will believe. Not everyone has the eyes or the ability to see things as they are. Not everyone knows why I have made some of the decisions that I have and at first glance, some of those decisions may appear to be weak ones or ones that lack strength.
I have eliminated people from my life during recovery that is a threat. People that are not doing things positively or just not good for me to be around for my own personal reasons. I have quit jobs that seemed like awesome career opportunities. Not everyone knows why I have made some of the decisions I have because to do so would ruin other people, their lives, and that of those they love and care about and depend on them. Some of these people are the very same ones who like to judge other people before they even look in the mirror if they even ever do at all. It is very easy to point out the mistakes of others and make known their shortcomings and flaws. There is a saying that there is no such thing as bad press. I beg to differ. It is bad. It hurts. It hurts me anyway. I am not perfect and never claimed to be. I will never be anything but just short of average on my way to the middle and I am ok with that. I have those in my life that know all there is to know about me and that is all that matters.
Even in writing this post I will admit that I do judge others. I do look at them and the way they live. I have to!!! I just do not make public what I see and think is a character defect in them or point out their shortcomings to the whole world. If I do not judge others and let just anybody into my circle or into my life or into my heart, it could be fatal to me. I have no choice but to be selective. I have stopped talking to family. I have blocked friends I have had for years and decades even from contacting me and it was not easy but it was not that hard either. I have found a new way to live! and I am living it! A lot of people see this and love it and live with me. Others, for whatever reason, do what they do and are no longer a part of my life!
So please, do not throw stones if you live in a glass house and your house isn’t even a home. In fact, just don’t throw stones. Being that way requires a stinky cologne and I can smell you a mile away!
I am Jay, I am an addict. We do recover! Look around! Let me in or let me down. To those of you out there in the grip, I hope. Stay up. I love you and you matter to me!