Hey, hi, and hello out there. I haven’t been on here much in the past few days as the first week of December is really hard for me for more reasons than infinite time will ever allow me to encapsulate. I read in one of my school books that any man that has a “why”, can live through any “how”. Not sure how I feel about that right now as I first did agree whole-heartedly.
Being numb even without drugs has its effects on a man. Shit, it had its effects on me as a child though I am feeling more and more of them every day. I am supposed to be happy at least that’s what I was told. It all seemed so much easier when the night was my friend and there were only two rules. I know, I know, they never said it would be easy just worth it right? But god damn sometimes though! I’m tired but really don’t feel like sleeping and I can’t help but thinking I might not be able to shake it this time!
Sit still and breathe Blackwell! I open my mouth and nothing comes out! I hear my life on the radio and I scream out to a world that doesn’t care! Silence is deafening to me! I’m not sure where I am going and scared to death of where I have been! I sit and breathe while I try to remember good memories from my childhood and the past in general but being numb has helped me to suppress those too! When I close my eyes it’s just gray!
To those of you out there in the grip, I hope. We do recover. Look around. Let me in or just let me down. Stay up. Stay human! I love you and you matter to me!