“Soul Loss”…

Hey, hi, and hello out there! Drifting along, or maybe, away. Stuck on this Latitude that makes NO sense to me. How did I get here, this time? What happened? Where, exactly did it all go wrong? What could I have done differently, or not done at all?

I feel like I just woke up from the dream of all dreams but didn’t come to into reality. It’s a different realm almost. I was like someone kicked me in the face and when I awoke, I was in a nightmare.

When things go south, as they sometimes do, if and when you can get them back to true north, it is never really the same again. It will never be like it once was. It lost that magic that no amount of witcraft or wizardy could ever conjure up.

I read, a LOT. I read something in one of my school books that I can relate to as much as I used to try and deny it. It was in my philosophy book. Although it was a 12 week accelerated course, we never made it past the first three chapters. So last night after I finished my final exam I read on and on and on. It has to do with your soul. My Soul. Something I have come increasingly fascinated with over the past few months. It is called Soul Loss. And this is what it had to say about it, “Whenever we suffer a physical or emotional trauma, it is said that a part of our soul flees the body in order to survive the experience. With every cut and wound our essence and vitality grows weeker-Soul Loss”.

What a BOSS definition of something I can remember feeling for my entire life and struggled to put a name on it. When I think back, as hard and dangerous it is for me to do, to all my “hurts”, for almost all of them I can recall this hollow feeling during them…it wasn’t a complete emptiness as much as it was this sense that something was missing and that something had been ripped out of me before I could notice or fight it!

How much of your physical body do you use that is actualized by your soul?

Now, I said for almost all of my hurts I noticed this feeling… there were times that I suffered from a loss and or a hurt, but I didn’t feel what I have come to know as SOul Loss. Maybe that is because I never really had what I thought I had and so, therefore, I never really lost? Is there such a thing as a painful gain that masks itself as a painful gain in order for us to accept it? Who is going to accept a painful gain???

“Have I gone mad?” “All the best people are” Right?????

If you don’t have any values or do not know the value of something-you will never know the cost of something you lost!!!

It comes back though! You know, that part of your soul that flees during those traumatic times. It comes back! I have felt this as well! I have not found the words to explain this yet though. Give me some time. I have a month off of school and I get bored real easy!

Going through some rough times my self right now. I don’t always “have it together”. In fact, seldom do. I put on a smile and go forth every day though. As sometimes a lot of other people depend on it! Life is fucking slippery and confusing and the harder I try to hold on to something the faster it slips away. I am letting go today. Open arms and open hands. I let go of it!!! I am going to go feed my Soul and by the way, I am still soaked. Soaked to my soul!WIN_20171217_17_22_51_Pro

To those of you out there in the grip. I hope. We do recover. Look around! Let me in or please, just let me down already! I am Jay and I am an addict! Stay up. Stay human. I love you and you matter to me! #jaystrong!!!!

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  1. Jay…what a name. 🙂
    I wrote about soul loss in a short story once…except I took it to a very dark place before it made sense to me. And it probably only made sense in my own head. It’s on my blog, in case you were curious and had about 10 mins….
    I love this post…Very deep. 🌸

    1. I will read what you wrote right now! I could have very easily wrote about how dark it is for me and I just may. But I am not interested in hearing the “I will pray for you” comments I would receive if I took it to where it really is and has the potential to go. thank you so much for the kind words. You have turned into what appears to be my number one fan!!!!

      1. haha, I have another blog for just this sort of dark stuff. it’s private and no followers, no interaction. and boy, do I let it rip!!! I say all the crazy things I can’t seem to say to anyone else. It’s so helpful!

        1. The middle, huh? I am the youngest of three. What was it like being the middle? I was always afraid it would be less somehow, like the middle child doesn’t get enough love and attention. Did it ever feel that way?

  2. Soul loss is something I studied for awhile – the dark night of the soul and realizing I was there… it was one of those moments: as you said “it comes back!” Where I finally started to breathe again. Could I actually have hope? Am I mad or crazy? Is there a difference?

    One thing that made me get my head out of my metaphorical and probably Metaphysical ass was this: I am a soul with a body. I am not a body with a soul. DI’d you feel that difference as well? Our body has limitations but our souls don’t. When I felt my soul dying, which I have, I was terrified…when I realized only my body had the limitations, I knew I could figure this shit out.

    That’s when I started digging. Beautiful post, and thank you for provoking a memory. I had forgotten soul loss this way! You look so calm in your picture. I can see a determination in your eyes – a definite philosopher’s pen too, thank you for the inspiration 😊

    1. Thank you so much for the kind words! I feel at times like many before me, that my body is a cage and at times a trap for my Soul! Ot stirs, my soul. ” the sky is its nieghborhood”! My body is only fruitful when its parts are actualized by my Soul. What i mean is that i put my everything, my Soul, into everything. Thanks again!!!

      1. I listened to that song on repeat when it came out. It just made me feel better. Run, too. Honestly the whole album is amazing.

        I know exactly what you mean about the cage. It’s why I meditate. I started meditating to quiet my mind; I did not expect it to actually begin to free my mind. I don’t exactly know what that means. Except I am going to die one day and so will all my problems. Why will I spend my life worrying about a one? I have a life to live. It’s amazing. I guess it sounds morbid but it’s not to me. I’ve been a dead girl walking before, so yes I feel every word you are typing here. It feels good to feel my heart beat and take deep breaths. I am really excited to read more of your writing – I think we have a lot in common. You’re very welcome! I’m Daina 😊

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