Hey, hi, and hello out there. Thats the police call sign for crazy, 5150. I have been called crazy my entire life and i eventually started to believe it! Then i entered recovery and learned a few things and thought naw i may have acted crazy and did crazy things, but i am no where close to being crazy. WRONG! Im pretty much crazy! Crazy to believe certain things will ever be any different, or anyone for that matter.

In the next couple of weeks i am going to invent a new word. I already know the definition. You know when lightning strikes there is that pause before you hear the thunder clap? That is what I am experiencing in life right now. That pause. You know what i mean dont you? That split second or couple of seconds that seemingly take lifetimes in between where nothing seems real? Its like a dream in a way and not in a good one, not this time at least.

They say in recovery that relapse occurs a long time before the actual event of using takes place. I believe that for 100 in recovery but also in other life events as well.

That crow is making his craw be known, and loudly! Its all I can hear over the ringing and scteaming!

Sit still and Breathe Blackwell! I am excited for this year to be over and the next to begin! A friend told me last night that sometimes when one door shuts you beed to nail a board over it! Can i do that for the entire last year????

To those of you out there in the grip, i hope. We do recover! Look around! Let me in or let me down! I am Jay, i am an addict! Stay up. Stay human. I love you and you matter to me!

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