Hey, hi, and hello out there. It is COLD outside this morning!!! I thought about making a joke about it, but the truth is, it is no joke! Whether or not it makes the news, the weather killed people last night! What kills me is that I have been doing some outreach for an organization out here and have been met with some resistance by potential participants and it BREAKS my fucking heart! To refuse a warm bed, a hot shower, and a meal for reasons I once saw as the truth and not that long ago either! I had a conversation with a man very near and dear to me about this and I gained some insightful tips on how to combat this.
So, about the title, have you ever just woke up fighting mad or sad or angry or just some type of way you could not describe? Only to have the other days where it is just blahhhhhhh. Then there are the days where I wake up feeling good, rested, and ready to do anything and everything! On those bad days, sometimes I would actually go back to bed and get up on the complete opposite side of the bed to see if it helped, not so much! I woke up on that right side this morning anyway, so…Blessing, by definition from Merriam-Webster, ” God’s favor and protection”. I have denied the fact that blessings not only occur but that I receive them lately on my self-righteous conquest to be self-sufficient! This is going back to the weather topic. I recently went through a break up where me and Duke were forced to move really fast. I had family we could have went to, but it would have made life difficult for everyone involved! So it was suggested to me I move in with a friend of a friend that I had only met once and did not really know. I am no stranger to communal type of living being a Marine and homeless shelters and all but have grown to appreciate my privacy and alone time. I really had no choice here so I stretched, took a deep breath, and went for it. This was rather difficult at first as he has pup’s of his own and lived alone. Well, what a fucking blessing this has turned out to be! Going in and out over the past few days living life, I really felt the cold as did Duke. This morning though at negative 11 outside it really hit me what a blessing this has come to be. The dust has settled and everyone involved here is not only growing used to one another but enjoying each others company in a way I thought would take months if ever!
I have found the courage and strength to question my beliefs past, but also found even more of that courage and strength to realize that some things just are what they are and a necessity in this new way I have found to live!
I have included a photo with this post of my friend’s
key tags from last night when he celebrated 8 years in recovery! We do recover! Look around! Let me in or let me down! I am Jay and I AM AN ADDICT! To those of you out there in the grip, I hope, Stay up. Stay Human. Stay blessed. I love you and you matter to me!