Fall Asleep to Fall Apart


Good morning out there. I have written in the past how I wake up a pile of ash and how different things are what blows Life into me every morning. Well, back that up to the point where I lay down at night. 

Sometimes I don’t just lay down, I fall down. Sometimes I jump into bed head first while other times I don’t even make it to bed and cry it out on the floor curled up in a ball of pain and emotion and confusion! No matter where it happens, it happens!

I come undone! I come apart, explode or melt. Sometimes, the fact that it happens without style or grace is what gives it style and grace, to me anyways. There are days when I pull up to my house and do an extraordinary job parallel parking my car and entering the house as I exit my vehicle. Then there are the days I come screeching in sideways, tires smoking and overheating and crooked as I crawl up to the house broken and bruised, blued up like a set of well ridden Harley Pipes, scarred from the boot marks and scraped from the drag in tight corners. Yeah, it’s like that!

Overwhelmed, lost and confused. Hurt! And on the verge. Standing at the cliff’s edge and looking over never felt so good!

It really doesn’t matter how long I sleep as there have been plenty of nights I didn’t sleep at all, just laid there and came undone…

The alarm goes off, 4 am! My eyes do not always come open so easy. Sometimes the force it takes to open them is greater than that which was required to close them, but I find it, the strength that is!

                 Find your strength today and every day as it is out there I am sure of it!

Happiness is not a sin! To those of you out there in the grip, I hope! We do recover! Look around! Let me in or let me down! I am Jay, and I am an addict! Stay up. Stay human. I love you and you matter to me!WIN_20180131_21_43_01_Pro

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