The deal he made with the Devil had finally gone bad as he had become a master at cheating death. It wasn’t a deal like one would normally think though, oh no! It began long ago. Way before they met at them dusty and lonely old crossroads. He was a young lad and things weren’t good, they were worse than bad. He didn’t have a mother and a father or a mom and dad. He never knew of anything that was good. He only knew he didn’t wanna be sad.
He used to hide in that hole he dug under his bed when he prayed for death and wished he was dead. Sit still and Breathe Blackwell has evolved and is now sit, still, and BLEED Blackwell!
There was no Love in my Life, especially not in that hole I lived in. You know, the one I dug, under my bed in which I so drearily speak? I believe this to be the SOUL reason that turned my blood to ink. The silence is so deafening I can hardly think!
My blood, no wait, my ink, is what I spill onto these pages. Emotions, thoughts, dreams, and nightmares, splashed onto this paper in the shape of words, in the lifetimes that occur each time I blink. These wet pages that turned into puddles, into cesspools, into ponds, and in time and over the years, one day ended up becoming this “sea of fears”.
Living my life this way and down in that hole, I had nothing, not a thing except for this pen and this paper and a dream. I had no voice with which to scream. Living in a constant state of “SOUL LOSS” had me doing some unbelievable things. That smile on my face was fake, just a carefully placed string. Not knowing where to start, I decided to search for my heart and ended up getting lost somewhere along the way.
That was when and where we first met and I heard the Devil say…” hello there! I am the only friend you will ever need. Come out of that hole, Jay, it’s time to play”…
To be continued….
To those of you out there in the grip, I hope!!! We do recover! Look around! Let me in or let me down! I am Jay and I am an addict. stay up. Stay human. I love you and you matter to me!