Hush Thrush!

Hey, hi, and hello out there once again. When I woke up this morning, I didn’t recognize my own face as I looked at it in the mirror! It came as it always does, the day before tomorrow, but what is, never is what it was! It is what it is and there is nothing I can do about it! Sit still Blackwell, and breathe as I cough and spit!

My own social construction has begun, rebuilding as Life has been blown back into me, my web is being spun! I have injected subjective meaning to my existence as well as my experiences! Out of reach, not out of touch! Don’t ever fucking tell me that it is all too much!

The things I take aren’t being given! What’s the alternative? To give up, to give in???

The obliqueness masked by the social context in which a person lives! THRUST OF INDEPENDENCE! The mistakes I have made are the only “things” peoples see and not who I really am and what, every day, I aspire to be! They are what has given me my reputation from which there seem to be no escape-unrealistic expectations, I guess…

When the people I once looked up to turn out to be assholes, it takes from me, it leaves holes in my Soul! Ebbs and flows! Manic-depressive! I’m on a low—->I got the slows! My mind is flooded but my body says NO!

To those of you out there in the grip, I can only hope! I am just Jay again! I guess that is all I have ever been! Stay up and stay human too though! I love you and you matter to me!

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