WonderLust!


WonderLust! it’s an if you may, if you will, not an if you must…twisted and crooked thoughts up inside of my brain! They keep my crazy and help keep me from going insane but at times, to me, they are the resistance that keep me from thinking straight, refrained… Harvested thoughts! built and not bought! The ground and the dirt from which they were cultivated from have been salted! Eradicated!

I am living fast and dying slow, where the fuck did all my time go??? I sometimes think that the only one who has my back is that monkey that has evolved into a guerilla!

Motherfucker! it’s a very underestimated and underused word! What’s that? You know me? Yeah? Well, fuck what you’ve heard because I’m about to part the waters of motherfucking words!

“I got the wind in my face and hell on my heels” but there’s still some things inside me that need to die that only I can kill…

Allow me to tell you a few things about me that you may not already know…First of all, welcome to the ShitShow! Heres a few things I aint-a garbage can or a dumpster, a punching bag, a good friend or your lover! I took me a while, but I’ve finally discovered that I’m tired of always being the Thunder and chasing the Lightning! Sittin, being still, and just fucking breathing Blackwell. It’s like tryna change the weather, I cannot get over her so I guess it is time to forget her.

Here’s a couple of things I am to go along with what I aint-I am JAY-MOTHERFUCKING-BLACKWELL! You know, the one everybody loves to hate! I’m a Sinner! The Putrid Fucking Saint!

                                                               !WonderLust!

Ashes to Ashes, dust to dust! I am a Gypsy-I love to wander! I spend a lot of time in my own brain, on the outer edges of my mind! I love to Wonder-Icannot help but think, as I sit here and ponder, I have never really truly Loved! I hate so much it has become my Lust!

                                                             !WonderLust!

The Love of it all, no, wait, The Lust! Imagination takes over, it takes control of my mind at first, and then, my Soul…but only if I allow it, only if I let it, if I let it go, you know? This Fallacy of Control!!!! The Power of Soul…..

                                                             !WonderLust!

As I pull out the knife, I say goodbye to another Life and through that whole, through that incision, I decide to make a choice, to make some tough decisions. I must change the way I see things in order to change my attitude. I must let go of the pain, let go of this Disgust and Disquietude….

                                                                     !WonderLust!

I am now on a new plane of existence, another realm if you will, on another Altitude!I pushed too hard, I guess I was too persistent.

The Moonlit life I live! Under the blanket of stars, as I not only allow, but welcome this darkness to devour my heart! So please please please, Quit tryna “understand” me and just let me be me! You will never, in this life or the next, be able to get all this hate from inside of me…

                                                             !WonderLust!

sitting here, watching the world through the windows to my Soul, move so fast and there’s nothing I can do to make it slow. emotions get tangled up and swept away with the wind that comes and goes and blows so soft and slow…

                                                              !WoderLust!

I went back in time but forward in space, Some things have just been Erased! Living fast as I die slow, I sit here Wondering, Where the Fuck did all my time go….The ups and the downs, the pleasures though! and The PAIN!!!! I wish it would rain! I can no longer withstand the pressure of being this Vain…

                                                               !WonderLust!

I struggle from a particular type of despair with this “Inverse Reflection”, it’s suffocating me, it is stealing my air…

                                                            !WonderLust!

My mom said to me, “son, you’ve got a problem”.  I replied with, “well then please, do tell me how to solve them because I got PROBLEMS FUCKING PLURAL”!!! She said, “son, you need god”! I just pretended to listen as I smiled and gave her a nod….

I’m done. thats it. thats all i have got to give. I no longer have the desire to live. stay low…screenshot_20180906-164300~2174439062..jpg

 

 

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