Breaking Habits

Breaking Habits! In my 12-step group, they said to me, I must change 3 things, people, places, and things. What a daunting task as doing this ain’t as easy as it seems!

Keep going! and whatever you do, DON”T QUIT! And while you’re at it, change how you think using only the thing you think with!

If any of us out here are strong enough to successfully do this, I applaud you! For, in order to change something “they” say is bad, we must first perceive it to be so, which can make us mad! How do I differentiate which habit is good and which is bad? Or which are Survival instincts I’ve always had!

Stretch! Reach they say. Whatever is worth having is right there outside of our comfort zone, just on the other side of fear. Somebody hold my rope!

If I’m the one who’s always the one with which battles to always choose, then I will continue to be the one who will always only lose while I stand here with my head in my hands, and confused…

I am my disease and I am my cure. I am Jay and I’m an addict, but I’m also so much more and my life is worth fighting for as is yours!

And then there’s those of you out there that have never been where I’ve been. You’ll sit back, read my words, and laugh at what I have said.

Because of people like you, I’m going through this shit again. Constantly killing myself just to fucken fit in.I’ve beat myself black and blue tryna be like you’s, when I’d rather just be me because that’s the only time I ever feel free!

You’re the ones that it doesn’t matter the good that I’ve done or what I say, at the end of the day, Ill always be that junky you know of as Jay…

Active addiction is a motherfucker all right and recovery doesn’t happen overnight. I’m constantly learning how to learn as I stumble around on an emotional battlefield, confused by who or what is real…

I sit back and watch people like me overdose and die with tear filled eyes, wondering how or why?

Then I remember, addicts aren’t the only ones with bad habits!


Stay up. Stay Human too.

#inthegrip #whiteknuckles #builtnotbought

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