Not So Silent Disease

In the beginning, I didn’t have much to say, and I still don’t most days. Today, I’m Consumed with the emptiness of your ways. I walk around a shell, because my wounds never have time to heal. I’m the one that’s paying the cost with my Soul Loss…

I write to let it out, to let it go. I write so others can see, so I can show. Often times, it is with pen in hand and I’m all worked up and filled with rage and as fast as I can transform my thoughts into a sentence, they jump right back up off of the page.

My life, the last almost three years, has been an open book. True story. No joke either, take a look! ##builtnotbought! Everything I have, I earned and everything I got, I deserved!

I suffer from Co-Occurring disorder. Which means, I’m an addict who also has mental disorders. I’m fucken sick! And it’s becoming next to impossible to change the way I think using only the thing I think with.

Smiles can hide so much when, on the inside, behind that smile and with reality, I’m so out of touch…

I often hear, “I don’t see you like that”. Well, addicts are good at hiding shit and stigmas aren’t helping with this!!! But, how do you not see when actions and words don’t fit?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

People, again, often say, “calm down” and all this does is turn my world upside-down!!!As it slams my face to the ground…

Looking for signs and symptoms for it, they’re fucken right there! How can you ignore it?

Mental health issues may not always have physical signs so clear or plain to see. But, mine do and taking medications do not just make them disappear. I often chase them with another shot of fear, because I have to…

Most days, I don’t have it all together and I cannot fight it or take shelter from it like the weather. Today is one of those days…

I’ve got a head full of pain and a heart full of fear. My vision is blurry and everything is unclear. I’ve stumbled around for like ten months already this year….

Anticipated anxiety’s making my heart beat right the fuck out of my ches. It’s an uphill battle over this mountain of stress. I found out the hard way that I cannot coast uphill. FUCK IT! I’ll just take another pill! But they’re not helping! I don’t feel any better! Can these god damn sheets get any wetter?!?!?!

I must go now as I have to go to school. Outside I must go and see how many people I can fool…

Stay up. Stay human too…

#inthegrip #whiteknuckles #builtnotbought

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