The tears, they now lay on the glass as I can no longer afford to be harassed or haunted by my past. The guilt and shame are over with and were never meant to last.
I had a realization and the time is now for some self-actualization. It’s with a clearer lens of perception that I widen my frame of reference.
I’ve cycled! Thoughts are free flowing! Fucken moving and no longer reused or recycled.
MANIC! MANIA! PANIC! INSOMNIA!
Too much is not enough! Ore, more, more! Gimme fucken MORE!
Letters and words! Grouped together cleverly. Some better said, some better heard…
Thoughts keep coming like a freight train. To fight them and attempt to concentrate is a god damn strain! a pain in my brain!
So, I allow it. Another pill, I fucken swallow it!
Can’t stop! Up all night and on my feet. Done wore a hole in this carpet but, that part’s not the hardest!
Not only can I not fight it, I also cannot hide it.
She wants an explanation, but how do I explain this eternal damnation?!! I got nothing soft enough for her to understand in any variation. So, she proceeds with her futile rationalization. But, I’m not listening due to my lack of concentration, which only leads to another confrontation. I put my earphones in, hoping for more isolation.
Here I go. I’m not lying, up all night pacing the floors again as I listen to her lay in bed and crying…
—–>Tears on The Glass<—–
I hope I cycle again soon. Stay up. Stay human too.
#inthegrip #whiteknuckles #builtnotbought