The Slows!

Maybe you do, then again, maybe you don’t. “What’s that Blackwell”? Oh! You know, know what it’s like to have The Slows!

It’s weird. It’s like a strange metamorphosis. I’m not sure if I will be able to, but, I’ll dedicate this post to try and explain this…

I have no clue what Life is like being you, but for me, most of the times, Life is a Bitch having to smile when all I wanna do is SCREAM because I’m an addict! Then, there’s the times when all I wanna do is run because my mind, body, and Soul have been overrun with rage because I’m simply not able to keep my demons in their cage! Or, is it that one of me left their door open…

Chemically deriven feelings from these pills my Doctor prescribes me got me wondering what it might be like to peel off my face and stick it to the ceiling!

So, The Slows, huh? My mind has two switches, two speeds, fast and faster than light speed. It’s as if, at times, I’m thinking tomorrows thoughts, yesterday. I feel like when this happens, I’m only talking to myself, but can”t understand just exactly what it is I am trying to say…

When it gets this fast, it’s not just my thoughts I’m thinking or my eyes that are blinking, no, everything gets affected. My blood starts to feel like poison, like somehow it has become infected. I begin to have the urge to be cut so I can then be bled, but the last time I did this, no blood escaped, no. For it was only my Soul that fled…

I sit, be still, and try to breathe Blackwell as I look down at the incision that is now the hole from where it escaped, my Soul. “Blackwell, I don’t understand, you’re not making sense”! Sit till and keep reading Darlin and allow me to reiterate.

I look into the mirror, only to see 66 me’s staring back at me and all I can think is, which one, for me, today, is the right me for me?

~The Slows!~

My heart becomes swollen and my eyes begin rolling, and then, it explodes, my heart, and just in time to become hardened. My eyes return and I look around, only to find myself in a garden, but all the flowers are dead and black…

Back to The Slows though…when this happens, it’s impossible to remain in control. Shit, I don’t even have a Soul! My speed setting switch is stuck in the middle somewhere in the in-between and I have no idea who or what is responsible…

It”s not just speed settings that get stuck either. My thought process is reduced to a crawl. My SwitchBlade Angels become stuck in a frozen moment in time and there is nothing I can do to please her. I’m thinking todays thoughts, NOW and they all want to brawl!

It”S not even an option, to blow my brains all over the wall to then sort it all out. I lost my gun and now, I”m stuck with what remains before it has even begun…

Things suddenly slow wayyyyy thheeee fffuuuccckkkk DOOOWWWNNNNNN! I can’t understand what anyone is saying, but, I can see everything and it has all started breathing!

My thoughts become simple, stripped down, and contain a bareness as I suddenly have a heightened sense of awareness!

~The Slows!~

Movements, though physically feel fluid and smooth, are now jagged with over-lapping frames and underlying meanings that are becoming easier to define as I now have more time…

Whatever shall I do?! Each minute, each second that passes, I feel a stranger stronger Deja-Vu~

I see new horizons, but I feel as though I have been here before…

The one and only me I see as I stare into the mirror is not the only one in my head, thinking all of these thoughts mentally. It’s with one set of eyes through which I see, but, I’m hearing hundreds of voices in my head screaming and only a couple that are speaking, indiscriminately…

Perceptions with a richness, a new depth. No, no, not a low though. I can see my thoughts escaping with each and every breath…

Dum-Ditty Dum Dum! Maybe I took too much Lithium. Then again, maybe I didn’t take enough? The edges are smooth where they used to be rough. Maybe, I took the right amount; maybe this was enough?! Or, was is this all from that obscure elixir?!

~The Slows!~

They begin, my thoughts, to pick-up speed. My hand feels like it can write faster than my eyes can read! I can’t seem to find a place in my mind to dig a new hole to through my Soul in. My thoughts cannot be the excavators this time. Hit record! No, press play! No, wait, hit rewind!!! The witching hour, 3:07am. Gonna wait until Four O’Clock to go back to sleep so I can wake up and begin all over again!

~The Slows!~

They are what bridges the gap…

Stay up; Stay human too though…

#Builtnotbought #inthegrip #whiteknuckles

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s