Insanity is defined by Merriam-Webster as , (noun), “a severely discorded state of mind usually occuring as a specific disorder”. I’ve also heard it defined as, “repeating the same thing over and over again, but expecting a different result”.
Frustration that was once a passion that has turned to anger, which is secondary to fear, is obscurring my vision. It is manipulating my ability to think outside the box, clearly…
I, as an addict, am naturally good at justifying things I do. It’s a blessing and a curse, a crutch if you will, that allows me to stand on shaky ground and with wounded knees. In 12-step groups for addiction, they use the word and the definition of Insanity to symbolize the addicts inability to function as a productive member of society while continuing their drug use and lifestyle choices. While this ma be true, in its simplest form, yet obvious reasons, it is just that, Simple. In doing this, one attaches a negative relation to the word Insanity, especially its definition. It is nothing more than a self-fulfilling prophecy that plants the seed of doubt in ones mind that we, (I), will use against everything we, (I), do, whether it be something positive or negative in that, if we must repeatedly attempt something, but are failing, we must be insane and whatever we were attempting is bad, and therefore, extinguish any further attempts at said goal or achievement only to then cloud an already storming mind even more!
For me, this causes the sense I rely on for survival to cross. It makes it nearly impossible to determine if what I am attempting is good or bad, or, even worth it. Am I fucking Insane? It justifies walking away. Battling this has required a depth of mind I previously thought to be impossible to find!
Blurred realities as Insanity is an acquired taste!
Stay up; Stay human too…
#inthegrip #whiteknuckles #builtnotbought