Check out Welcome by Fort Minor on Pandora

I’m listening to “Welcome” by Fort Minor on Pandora.
https://pdora.co/2BCqCAy

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A Conversation with Death…

just throw me into the fire when the flames get higher…

It wasn’t as much a conversation as it was a one night stand with Death. She showed up unexpectedly after I put a plastic bag over my head and began to held my breathe…

I wasn’t over the edge, yet, but I was only shy a few steps…

It was ironic, that it was her that stopped it. She said, “I’m not ready for you yet. You still have so much to do, ans our relationship, by the way, is strictly plutonic as I’ve heard about you”.

With tears in both my eyes, she helped me remove the plastic bag from my head, and I’ll never forget, in doing so, the next few words she said!

“Attempting to take your own life is one way to ensure you never end up dead, for the next time you see me, will be your last. I won’t come creeping and you’ll surely have to reap me, and, from what I can see, is a result of some sort of crash”…

When she said that, I truly felt that all hope was then lost. I looked over at the mirror and was unable to see my reflection, I thought to myself, “Am I really going to have to rely on natural selection”?

My mind was now really in tatters, as my thoughts, they were shattered and my spirit was broke. All I could do was choke every time I tried to breathe, every time I spoke…

All we did after that was sit in silence and stare at the moon…

Stay up; stay human too

#builtnotbought #whiteknuckles #inthegrip

the caucasian persuasion

I just shaved my head and changed my whole appearance. Instead of a Jason, now I look like a fucking Clarence!

~a slit wrist and an up-side-down crucifix~

I’m writing this at 6:06 am and tryna figure out just who the fuck I am. I realize, as I’m yawning, the Demons in my head keep spawning, I am the missing “6” from the 6″06 am equation; the caucasian persuasion…

My house is made from glass and is no longer that of ill repute, but my mind though, well, it’s still full of thoughts that are wearing gorilla suits and mimes that aren’t mute!

Put your god damn hands in the air as this here is a stick up ya see? It’s highway robbery! Outlaw life is all I know, all I see…

How else am I supposed to fill the jury seats and pay off the judge that’s corrupt when I’m going full-throttle and starting my day at the bottom of a pill bottle?

I’m ridding these racing waves of thought on a rabid crocodile, meanwhile, I’m biting down hard on the bullet~the two go hand in hand~they’re congruent!

I no longer feel guilty for being white and I’m no longer mired down or mured into the subjective worlds of others and white is my new favorite color!

The storm clouds have finally ran out of rain. I still hurt though as they didn’t wash away all the pain…

I’m still UN-stable! I’m still volatile! So, go ahead and lite my fuse, I’ll allow you! and watch as I level the whole block and clear the fucken room and ride off with a new witch on a new broom!

SCREAM! SHOUT! Howlin at the Moon!

Quit looking cuz there ain’t no white privilege here, there never was any to even had disappeared! We all put in our own work around here!!!

Still on the fence about my last suicide attempt…

After the last tear fell from my left eye, I gave it another try…

Proceed with caution as it can be quite dangerous, but it can also be very advantageous, the things you may find, you may feel, when you succeed at slowing down your mind…

Fe, Fi, Fo, Fum….Look out! Here comes another conundrum…

“If a tear falls into the ocean, does it make a sound”?

I gotta go; I’m getting a new tattoo on my Soul…

Stay up; Stay Human too!

#builtnotbought #whiteknuckles #inthegrip

B.Y.O.S.

—>!Bring Your Own Sanity!<—

Progress takes time, don’t waste it. I’m so close, I can fucking taste it! I just hope, today, I can find the courage to face this…..

4, 3, 2, 1…1, 2, 3, 4~ATTENTION! ATTENTION! You can keep the fucking mic, I want the floor!

As my mind begins to create, these new thought start to permeate. They spread through my body at an alarming rate…

I attempt to speak, the words that were once thoughts, but they continuously keep getting caught and now, my mind is distraught. My own sanity, I thought I brought…

The Devil starts laughing and expects me to hit my knee’s and pray…but, this only causes me to lose my way and, right now, I cannot afford to be lost as there are still debts to be paid and I think we all know the cost!

Swing thoughts again, like a pendulum, some so fast I’m unable to out-run. So, I stay right where I am, where they come from. But, they keep coming, and even though I’m sitting still, my mind keeps running and it’s all up-hill..

Sifting through my thoughts ain’t nothing like tryna find a needle in the hay-stack, no. It’s more like looking for a live body in a pile of dead ones…

She sells sea shells by the sea shore. Meanwhile, I’m wiping my brains off the wall and looking for a clean spot to sleep on the floor…and in doing so, I laid down on a bed full of nails with pillows full of feathers from my SwitchBlade Angels to lay my head instead…

If intimacy is into me I see, what the FUCK is Sanity????? Because, it’s here one minute and then, POOF!, it’s gone without a trace! I feel like a ghost with no sheet, a man without a face…

Attempting to break my insides apart, but I don’t know where to fucking start! Disintegration of my Soul…

Well now, it’s time for my daily dose of chemically deriven feelings as I stare at the demons on the ceiling, it’ll be my face I start peeling…

BRING YOUR OWN SANITY! Because, you don’t want any of mine. Navigating my mind is like walking through a field of land-mines!

Stay Up; Stay Human too…

#builtnotbought #inthegrip #whiteknuckles

rabbinic uncleanliness!

inches from the virgin, it’ll never hurt like that again! i walked into the church and went straight up to the steeple, some people can’t look past evil~some can’t even see though, because they’re on their knees in the booth for confessions. what they don’t know though, is that the preacher is a trans-gender who’s looking for a new profession!

more thorazine to numb my mind, one more fix with a twist of my wrist and an up-side-down crucifix!!!!

desperately seeking an equilibrium within my mind. i’m still seeing red though from all the goats blood in my eyes. it’s still better though, than being blind, or, dirty from the rabbinic uncleanliness. NO!!!! i will no longer ask let alone beg for forgiveness! as above so below~i yanked my shadow up front from behind before another flying monkey he could throw into my mind…

my veins are electric and no longer connected and this ink that is my blood will no longer write the right words of the wrong retrospective! keep reading! there’s more to come and i am sure it’s not to be expected…

pentagrams drawn in chalk! please be cautious how you step, how you walk, because they no longer symbolize the five wounds of jesus! blackwell, how can you say this?!?!?!? just you fucking wait and see. my art is about to get real god damn dark~gone are the days of it being all lite and pretty!

the candle’s flame flickers to the intoxicating stench in the are and I suddenly had no use for any of my hair!

thou shalt not kill! as the doctor writes me another prescription for another pill! taken for what i’m given, has pushed me to the limit and i’ve become “far beyond driven” with all these new thoughts and feelings that are merely chemically deriven. no more built, these bitches are fucken bought!

i am truly a derelict and delinquency has become my new favorite flavor of great piquancy and with what a great intensity!

my thoughts cast a shadow on the wall, and as i reach out to touch it, my whole body gets pulled right through it…

i fall to the ground and when i get up, i’m surrounded by crows in some ancient fucking ruins!

the air is thick, dark, polluted! my head is heavy, but not with thought. i reach up and feel two sharp protrusions…

where am i and what have i become? is this not though, where i belong? is this not simply who i am and who i’ve always been tryna outrun????

something’s moving behind me! what the fuck?!?!? i now have a tail!!!

it has begun, the unconfiguration of my thoughts that are twisted~written on burnt skin that’s blistered!

more to come. stay tuned…

stay up; stay human too

Don’t Lean On Me!

what are you looking at? yeah, they are, you’re right, you bet! scars from another failed suicide attempt, and just from the other night! i may or may not have lost, but i won the right to fight another night…

i’m thinking of a year, it’s 1994 and my favorite shirt lay right there on the floor. naw girl, you can’t remember, as this was all long before you were born…

how do you measure the flame of a dead man’s Soul? i may not be dead, but i sure do feel like i’m dying and my flame it but a tiny spark that once raged outa control…

my head is the hammer, and my heart remains the nail. i pretend to be tough, but the truth is i’m ever so frail. a scared little boy, wandering around in this cold world, trying to not land on that third rail…

i’ve been busy, carving through the smoke and breaking the fucking mirrors that provide outside eyes with the misappropriate illusions that, in order to live and be happy, i must be in love with someone other than myself. all the while, i am battling paranoid delusions, that were the result of hiding in the shadows of another’s “love”…

there’s this ache inside of my stomach, that has turnt into what feels like a fire inside of my gut. it’s pretty clear to see, maybe not to you, but to me, that this is from all this fucking unnecessary anxiety. i refuse to be stuck inside of this Midwestern Funk!

the truth is, i’m exhausted from you making me feel bad for not being able to give you something you’ve never had-i feel lower than my feet…

you are now suspicion~you have been re-named, as i see now, that there are no true rules to your game…

please, don’t hate me for the words you’ve just read, because i know this is not all “just in my head”!

i’m gonna hafta let you down, because i can no longer afford to ever do this again. my Soul’s adrift and my skin is too thin…

it’s been a business doing pleasure with you…

stay up; stay human too…

#builtnotbought #inthegrip #whiteknuckles #fightofmylife #fightformylife

The Midwestern Funk…

it’s cold and raining out. now there’s nowhere to go, but somewhere i must go for i can no longer climb these four walls full of nothing that is real. i check my pockets and grab my keys; is it too soon~there are no spoons in the sink

half-way down the street, i’m soaking wet with no regrets and no shoes on my dirty feet

i’m looking for something to jump in, a hole, no, a river. am i crazy or is it all these serotonin re-uptake inhibitors?????

i fall down in a puddle and start to cry as they all start to stare, the passers by…

my sickness has kept me paralyzed to the couch. it’s been so long since i’ve looked into a mirror, i forgot what color my eyes are…

i felt so close, but in reality, i’m still so far…

things hurt that one can’t see. i look down and notice a new scar…

i’ve been out for too damn long. i have no idea where these new wounds have come from. panic! run!

six more lifetimes pass by in the blink of an eye. how much more must i endure before i can just fucken die? i’m running out of time…

lord knows i’m a sinner, but the devil knows i aint.

one by one, they step over or around me. they continue to pretend that it’s me that they cannot see.above~below~but what about the in between???

it begins to rain harder. so i get up and start to run from that cage she calls home; i must get further…

i look around and nothing is real. i can’t describe how the rain on my skin feels~it’s almost liberating…

i come too and i’m standing in the shower and i hear her ask, “did you remember to take your medicine”?

i close my eyes, but no matter how hard i try, i’ll never again be that guy

he’s the last one i’ve seen, the one i pretended to be, to fake…

is this the last breathe he’ll ever take?

it’s raining lies tonight…

stay up; stay human