Whirlwind…

Yesterday was THE day for me.

When I awoke, at 3:33 am, I thought, “damn! I woke up during the witching hour once again”…

I was experiencing something, I know now what it is, but, I didn’ then…

My Soul, it was caught in a Whirlwind, but not up there in the cold thin air, no! It was happening all over my skin! What I mean is, it was crawling, my skin. It was the beginning; I was transforming…

My Soul. it wasn’t the only thing caught up in the Whirlwind. When I awoke, I felt lost and confused as to what it is I was supposed to do. My sense of purpose, I watched what I once thought it was, float right out the window. Sounds crazy, I know…

But, this actually happened. Things, throughout the day, began to become clear that, were for so long, blackened…

So, my skin, crawling, began to itch as I thought, “what the fuck am I supposed to do about this”?

When you’re a hammer, everything looks like a nail! Perceptions!

The real and the imagined share a physical space in one’s brain. But, this is real; I’m crazy, not insane!

So, I sat, remained still, and as my skin continued to crawl, I sort of felt ill…

I remember thinking briefly, several times throughout the day, “am I finally having a spiritual awakening”? But, this isn’t what was happening. It wasn’t until late that night, that I was finally able to define it. I had finally experienced a spiritual alignment!!!!!

It was as if a million ants were doing their mad dance upon my skin, but not to make me sick or cause an infection. It was actually my own Soul, come back to me, and trying to get my attention! This was my very first of many, Revelations!!!

As the day progressed, my negative approach and resistance to this began to regress as I realized what was happening…

The days events unfolded in front of me in no way shape or form how I planned them to be. It took some time, but I eventually began to accept it; I was finally ready!

I am beginning to understand my own words. I am beginning to know, “Soul Control”…

Stay up. Stay human.

#spirituallyfree #builtnotbought

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Soul Control, Part One…

My SwitchBlade Angels, they are circling overhead! Did it finally happen? Did I finally die? Is it finally over? Am I finally dead?

I look down and my left arm is soaking wet, it’s red, it’s blood, for that’s the arm in which I wear my heart on my sleeve. I’m not sure though, how much more blood that I have to bleed…

I look over and my right arm, well, it’s fucking floating! The Viking’s, in the ship that has become my mind, are harmoniously rowing, and the drum that guides them, it’s pounding and it’s moaning! There’s nothing left for me, it is deafening!!! For this is the arm in which I bear such a heavy load, my Soul…

To save my left arm, you do remember, right, my heart? Well, that’s the easy part; all I have to do is stop the bleeding. I learned how to do this from a book, you know, from reading?

To save my right arm, you remember, right, my Soul? Well, that’s gonna be a little harder. It’s gonna take more time, so, I’ll have to take it slow, as I learn, only to master the art of Soul Control…

Sit, be still, and breathe Blackwell! I must admit, at times, this can be so frightening, to watch my Soul go up inside the smokestack lightning!

To be continued….

Stay up. Stay human too…

#inthegrip #whiteknuckles #builtnotbought #projectsparechange

Livin on Love!

The phrase, “Livin on Love”, it means different things to different people…

I learned the hard way, a long time ago, just what side of the tracks it was that I came from. My family and I were in a certain classification and this was due to something called social stratification, which is, ” a kind of social differentiation whereby members of society are grouped into socioeconomic strata, based upon their occupation and income, wealth and social status, or derived power”.

The bottom line is, I was born poor and remained so for the rest of my life!. I eventually became bankrupt spiritually, mentally, emotionally, financially, and even physically. During this time, there were several years where I was homeless due to the disease of addiction as well as my life choices and several un-diagnosed and untreated mental health illnesses. It was during this period of homelessness, when I, for myself, as well as those like me, defined the definition of “Livin on Love” I speak of here tonight.

I pan-handled daily. The majority of the money I made went towards drugs, yes. But, it also went towards food and shelter, especially in inclement weather. I’d be a liar if I said that there were ever a day that went by that somebody didn’t give me something, whether it was a bottle of water, a sandwhich, $5, or a prayer even…

This is what I call “Livin on Love”. I fed myself from the Love of others, from the Love they gave to me, in whatever form it was! I didn’t know it at the time, and it wasn’t until after I got clean on June 5th of 2016, and I saw the old me, dirty, frail, sick, and full of dis-ease, pan-handling just like me, that I realized, them people, those folks, no matter what or how little they gave me, restored my faith in humanity!!!

September is Self Awareness month, but in the spirit of Project Spare Change, I’d Love to kick it off early! So, the last week of August, I will donate 10% of the total sales that week for t-shirts to a local charity in my community for the underprivileged. Let’s show some Love, becuase there are a lot of people that are, for whatever reason. LIVING ON IT!!!!!

Saty up. Stay Human too…

#projectsparechange #inthegrip #whiteknuckles #builtnotbought

Inverse Reflection!

Inverse Reflection is a math equation that is presented on a graph where, the values of X is switched with the values of Y. You are probably wondering what the importance of this is in this post. Well, sit back and allow me to explain to you why…

The real and the imagined share a physical source in the brain…

I wear my heart on one sleeve, and on the other, my Soul. I yearn to know more, but right now, nothing is all I know. These two sleeves I wear, are all I have to show, and, at times, can be quite the heavy load. One sleeve bleeds, while the other, comes and goes, sometimes fast, and sometimes slow.

—>!SOUL LOSS!<—

“Perspective Illusion~two words, Illusion and Perspective! “Perspective is an important feature of visual perception”, as it perceives things as they outwardly appear. It gives them a definition that is mostly subjective!

Illusion, by definition, is, “a thing that is, or is likely to be, wrongly interpreted or perceived by the senses”, and these sense can be oh so deceptive!!!

This describes the way society as a whole views those who have lost or may have never even had, control. The ones that hurt and are full of disease, but who also have hearts of gold!

They, society, are experiencing visual illusions fueled by subjective delusions~a judgmental, mental apperception! They are seeing what thet perceive, they are having a disconnection between reality and perception…

So, I beg of you, can we at least try to use some Inverse Reflection instead of relying Souly on our sense that can be oh so deceptive when it comes to defining another’s worth and be a little more receptive?!

Because, it’s when you’re at your worst, no one cares! Change! Do you have any to spare?!

Stay up. Stay human too…

#projectsparechange #inthegrip #whiteknuckles #builtnotbought

~!PROJECT SPARE CHANGE!~

Mental Intervention!

It’s time to go for a mental ride, a drive in and with my mind. I can’t help but wonder, what is it this time I shall find as I smash the gas and jam this bitch into drive!!!

Social conditioning got us judging one another to the point where certain groups are put into a noose, while others are put into a harness and all this does, this madness, this blindness, is create hostility among us…

CAN YOU SPARE CHANGE?

I’m not talking about dollars and cents. I’m talking about looking at one another in a way that makes fucking sense!

And, just like that, I’m crying like I’ve never been, emotions get tangled up in the wind. I wonder, when will this all end, so I can begin all over again…

I cry, not for me, but for all of you. Not because of something you’s did to me, but for what seems so impossible for you all to do!

CAN YOU SPARE CHANGE?

Is today day one, or one day? Have you heard what I asked? Please, listen to what I’ve said and re-read the words you just read, again and again and again and again….

!PROJECT SPARE CHANGE!

Let’s all rearrange! Let’s take a different look and straighten our view that has somehow become askew…

This “Mental Intervention” isn’t for me. It is for you which it is intended! Will you be strong enough for it to take? Because, I cannot cry all of this away!

I cry, not for me, but for all of you! Not because of something you’s did to me, but for what seems so impossible for you all to do….

I spend a lot of time in my mid and I’m not really sure what it is that I seek to find. Throughout my life, a lot of people, doctors included, told me that this was a bad thing. SO, I believed them, that is, until here lately…

I’m not a stoic. So, I don’t much care to believe, that what I’m going to get, will be what fate brings.

In my mind, I am Me! All 567 thousand faces, emotions, and personalities! They’re all up there, they’re all in there! We all talk together, laugh together, and many of us, we even cry together! There isn’t a place I can think of that could possibly be any better!

I told you why so you wouldn’t have to ask me. It’s not my fault you don’t understand. So, stop being so fucking nasty!

I used to only think with my mind and thought that love was the only job for my heart~maybe this is why they always felt miles apart?! Today ain’t like this, but I’ve endured a lot of pain befor there was any acceptance!

It’s not me, but society, that needs a “Mental Intervention”. They need to start looking at us with some inverse reflection! If you don’t know what those last two words mean, go get a dictionary and read the fucking definition!

I cry, not for me, but for all of you! Not because of something you’s did to me, but for what seems so impossible for you all to do! Can you Spare Change???!!!!

Stay up. Stay human too…

#ProjectSpareChange #inthegrip #builtnotbought

Mental Rent

“There’s something happening here, and what it is ain’t exactly clear”! There’s a man looking back at me in the mirror, telling me that I got to be aware!

I have to make sure, today, when I pay my Mental Rent, that I do so without any degree of malevolence.

\Manic-Depressive, Mind Graffiti, thoughts that are oppressive. Work, school, chores, schizoaffective disorder, the second I awake, it’s already almost too late, it’s overloaded, my mind! It’s out of order! And so it begins, the fight of my god damn Life, to find the right way, today, to help it re-align…

“There’s something happening here, and what it is ain’t exactly clear” There’s a man looking back at me in the mirror, telling me that I got to be aware!

It’s revolving, my mind, at 9 million revolutions per minute! That’s not always such a bad thing though, no! Because, I’m in it for the long haul,I’m in it to win it! But, at times, this makes it hard, the revolutions of my mind, when, it is Evolution I seek to find! Fuck it! Spin it! Let’s let it all unwind…

Stay up. Stay Human too…

#fightofmylife #builtnotbought

The High Road of a Low-Life, Part One

I continually allow my heart to become corrupted. Like broken guitar strings and old rotting cars, it’s full of holes, it’s oxidized and it’s rusted!

My hands are shaky, my back hurts, my knees are weak, and my head is full of disease. So, I beg of you, please, please, please, can you back the fuck up and gimme some room to fucking breathe?!?!?!

Intuition is the filter through which I experience this world! Everyday I walk out my front door, it is into a MADNESS that I am HURLED! Almost every single fucking day, I am scared to death to leave, but, by doing so is the only way I’ve ever found to find some reprieve…

Honesty! Everybody wants it, needs it, or demands it! But, very few have the intestinal fortitude, the “Power of Will”, if you will, to swallow the Truth, which, at times, can be a very bitter little pill. The ones that do, get sick. They become violently ill!

I’m gonna say some things in this article, in this piece, that are only intended to give me some peace, some relief! So, please, don’t misconstrue my intentions as I am not tryna brag as much as I am tryna provide a means of prevention, or, maybe, just maybe, a Mental Intervention!!!

What do I explain first? Where is it that I feel the most suffering? Where do I feel the most hurt?!

Do I talk of just exactly what it means to be a Low-Life, the pain, the struggle, the Soul Loss, the absence of pride, the overwhelming guilt and shame, and the excess amounts of strife at the continued failed attempts at change in my life?!

Or, do I allow my wandering and wondering mind to go where my feet are taking me, to the High Road, where, we can not only, once again, find, but also DEFINE!

First, allow me to say that the High Road is not the only place to go, nor is it, at times, my first choice, no! My sanity can also be found in the raging rivers and in the Sea of Fears, but, I’m not talking on the surface, I mean fathoms below!

Before you read any further, I feel compelled to ask, can you Spare Change? It is because so many cannot that I am forced to constantly rearrange…

And now, allow me to smoke a few more cigarettes as I contemplate my future regrets…

It’s a great big old white world we live in, I’m white, but I’ve never felt privileged! More like, I’m constantly, about to, with closed eyes, step off of a god damn ledge!

Again, before I explain the Low-Life and or the High Road he or she is so often forced to take, please, allow me to say something else so’s there is no mistake…

Myself, as well as those like me, are cut from a different cloth,and what it takes to make this fabric can no longer be found! What I mean is, people such as we, when we die, our kind will be forever lost into that hole in the sky!

I look around and I’m alone! Where is everybody? Where is my buddy?!

I no longer wish to pretend that tomorrow is not the end! My search for fame only proves that, everyday is filled with love loss and shame!

Well, allow me to start where I find peace and a little healing for my torn and tattered heart, the High Road….

By definition, taking the High Road means that one shall no longer have to lean as this path will lead them in a “morally superior approach towards something”…

This is something that a Low-Life, such as I, was not born with the ability to find. It is not within the wiring of my mind!

To take the High Road, what ever do I mean?! Well, for me, it means to sit the fuck down breathe, and not go full-fucking-throttle! To look back on some old philosophy notes and read some Aristotle and try to figure out just where the fuck I stand when it comes to his, “Golden Mean”!

So, to try to take the High Road that helps one become superior morally….Is one born with this gift of intuition, or can one learn this from reading a definition?!

I’ve taken every pill known to man, and nothing I’ve ever ingested has helped me with this, especially orally! You must KNOW where you stand! Know your god damn position and climb through that hole, that rotten incision!

I’ve defined, somewhat, the definition of the High Road. So, now, let’s talk about why it is so important to go there…

This world is a cesspool and, just like my heart, it’s oxidized, full of holes, brOKen, busted, and full of corruption! My body is just a vehicle for my Soul and my Soul contains all of my morals and beliefs. SO, when my body is travelling a million miles per hour down the highway of life and troubled times begin to show themselves on the road ahead, I am forced to take one of two exits. One being the High Road, which, will help me to become morally superior. The other is what’s easiest, the road to no where, no destination, no pain, and numbness….

In an attempt to try to save myself, my Soul’s vehicle habitually starts going towards the easy way as I begin to feel control of the wheel start slipping away! This happens to me, the Low-Life, without even knowing it and before I know it, away is where I am throwing it!

Even though it’s a road to no where, I feel as though I’ve already been here! I feel comfortable being numb! I’m oblivious, at first, to what’s already begun, until it’s too late…

I cannot speak for all of the Low-Lives out there anymore than I can the non-Low_Lives, nor am I even saying that anyone person out there, other than I, is a Low-Life…

But, what I am saying is, that it takes grit to take the High Road. It takes a look through a clear lens of perception and no fear of rejection while maintaining one’s own perception, and, for doing so, not expecting a reception….

This is to be continued…

Stay tuned. Stay up. Stay Human too…

#fightofmylife #builtnotbought